The Monster Has Passed


Um……er, wow….

I found out around 1pm today that my ex-husband/ Boo’s father/my attempted murderer/long-time terrorist of my existence died yesterday in prison.

What does this information bring to my life?

Boo‘s life?

How am I feeling about this new development in the story of my near-death at this very man’s hand?

The very first thought to pop into my head (and I’m gonna be very honest here when I shouldn’t necessarily be):

He didn’t die, somebody killed him.

The guy was in his mid-forties and built like a tank made of solid steel; granted, he kept a quite unhealthy lifestyle and a notoriously lethal illicit-drug habit last I knew him, so who knows? I don’t feel happy about his death, nor was I overcome by any profound sensation of safety or revenge. My long-time employer Mr. Karma didn’t even poke his irony-stricken face out to say “hello”, oddly enough, when I heard the jolting news of the death of one of my life’s Demons; I never flit the thoughts I’d expected to think when or if this day landed in my lap.

I feel like if it’s  true that his heart did, indeed give out and he died of “natural causes”, that any of my readers who knows a hint about his and my own history together – might also then, share in my sense of weight and mass on this matter. It’s a simple scientific observation that under enough weight or pressure – any amount of mass can give way to crumbling.

I feel sad for his girls, mine included…but on the other hand I see this as a possible release for each of them from a subliminal grip he has managed to maintain through glorified memories and pathetic, rambling pleas to them from his cell. I feel relieved, I will admit. I don’t have to worry about some legislative dick-sucker letting one particular and very personal monster out early on good behavior ever again.

I think I need more time on this all some more…poor Boo…

16 thoughts on “The Monster Has Passed

  1. gmgoetz says:

    Hey Americana: I just came across your site today, thanks to seeing your comment on Eric’s site. I sympathize and feel bad for all you have gone through in your life, and I probably only know a small percentage of the hurts and abuse from the bit that I read.
    Anyway, I just want to commend you for sticking by your daughter, and loving her despite all the bad choices and not knowing where she may be. You have the heart of a Mother, holding on, and holding onto hope. Keep strong. Take care of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. charlypriest says:

    Hello there, I have been reading quite some post today in your blog since I only see the beautiful art you create. Had no idea of this part of your life, and it is quite a life.
    You are a lucky woman on one hand that this animal didn´t kill you and I am glad that he was killed. Sorry, but I´m glad he was killed by a man after what he has done to you and who knows how many other woman and people. And my guess is that his death was not a quick one but quite a violent one which is what he deserves.

    About your daughter, I saw she has been missing from the begging of this year, hope she´s o.k. I can´t even imagine what it is for a mother no knowing where her daughter is and believing that you might outlive her, my situation was different when I ran away, which I ran away to the army and then deployed. And that was a voluntary decision I wanted to be test myself. Now that I do see my parents I can see specially in my mother that it had to be more hell for her than for me when I was deployed.

    I can´t even tell you how I feel for you or can´t put myself in your shoes to say something appropriate if any of this is coming out appropriately, but I truly wish you all the best and to Stay Frosty. And the art you create is really powerful, a terrific artist you are.

    Since it seems that for certain reasons I´m back again in a screwed up situation which my only fault was to be with the wrong people at the wrong time, I will take the blame for bad judgement but not for a thing I have not done. Anyways, seeing how this is affecting my mother (that for me is just a little bump on the road compared to what I have done and see while in two fucked up countries) I do blame myself A LOT.

    So all my best wishes to you Americana gentess.
    Stay fucking Frosty

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Sunshine says:

    wow…happy for you and Boo. Yes happy because you never have to worry again and maybe Boo can begin to heal knowing that she was never that, not even partly… xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I agree with fig000, whatever you feel about this is okay, no-one can say how you should feel.
    How you feel, is how you feel and don’t judge that, or allow anyone else to.
    If it were me, it would take time for me to process this and if it takes time for you too, that is okay.
    I think you are very courageous.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. foosblues says:

    “It’s a simple scientific observation that under enough weight or pressure – any amount of mass can give way to crumbling.”

    Er, try saying that to a neutron star. PHYSICS!!


  6. Mandy says:

    That is a lot to process. Where one might expect to feel a tremendous sense of relief, often it’s the opposite. Maybe because the past resurfaces and it’s there to go over… And sometimes the freedom that you hadn’t anticipated catches you off guard. I guess the main thing is to know there’s no rush to understand feelings. They are all ok.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for that; I’m ok you’re right it’s all ok for me now and I feel relief and no worry. besides for Boo, but it is what it is and that’s what it is. Thanks for your support and encouraging words. 🙂


  7. fig000 says:

    It would be easy for those outside the situation to say, “good” and leave it at that. But these things are never simple and this abrupt end leaves confused children in its wake. For those of us who are of older vintage, the passing of parents leaves all kinds of unresolved feelings. What you went through, in my opinion, makes it more complicated and challenging to come to terms with. I hope you don’t have any expectations on how you SHOULD feel.

    The way it see it, if there is any justice in this it’s the fact that his own decisions left him in a suitably undignified and unhappy place. People need to take ownership of what they do and how they are. I think it’s fitting he had to live with and be reminded of it every day.

    Regards to Boo. She deserves release from whatever hell she had foisted on her, things she is not responsible for. May she find peace and happiness.

    Liked by 1 person

Go ahead...say somethin'!

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.