A “Californerican”

As a “Californerican” (a Native American from/in California),

  1. I drive it like I stole it, regardless of where I’m going or coming from – because I’m born and raised in a place where “offensive driving” gets you shot dead on the road, and people seem immune to the concept of merging or using a turn signal.

  2. I suffer from the oddest of the odd triggers of temper, can surprisingly walk, talk and chew an atomic fireball gumball at the same time; I harbor an intrinsically passionate love/hate relationship with my own government (or whatever it is that you’d call those douche-bags calling all of the shots on me and my compatriots from cushy seats, behind bullet-proof windows, in offices that transform into either a bomb shelter or a strip club <blow-jobs included> depending on the button pushed).

  3. I am more terrified of “feminine” gay men than I am of great white sharks.

  4. I can do a 50-50 nosegrind down a handrail on a skateboard (or at least I could last time I tried).

  5. I think Palm Trees are WAAAAY overrated. And, I MUST douse my hair with warm water prior to getting it anywhere near any local lake, river or canal water.

  6. I speak Spanish as a second language, and basically did by age 12 – out of sheer communicative necessity.

  7. Flea Markets are not considered “trashy” to me; in fact, I love them and go as often as possible.

  8. “Dumpster Diving” for “trashed treasures” is considered “trashy“; and is now, also illegal.

  9. I can like totally and personally attest to the total truth behind the totally heinous stereo-type of the proverbial “Valley Girl“.

  10. I think Seattle is too depressing – mentally; and I think that Mexico is depressing – socially. But either place would be the first place I’d consider if “on the run from the law“.

8 thoughts on “A “Californerican”

  1. Rise above says:

    No to Mexico, that would be like moving back to my birthplace, which I have continuous nightmares about, unless you get me a stab vest and a retractable baton. As a side note, Seattle = Great oysters and shit music….just sayin

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I need… like.. NEED to hear that Spanish. You would fit in perfectly in South Africa. We all drive like crazed drug fueled lunatics on the run from… whatever we think we may b=need to be on the run from. I LOVE flea markets… but no one will go with me because I spend HOURS touching everything and smelling everything and then I go into the psychic tents just to take the piss and walk out with their money rather than coughing up my own.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. For (1) true but they tend to be the more erratic drivers I’ve seen on the west coast. Yeah, I can say that since I was born and raised in LA and learned to drive on some of most busiest freeways there.

    For (11) Seattle is like Bakersfield, nice to visit in short bursts but I don’t think I’d want to live in either place. Certainly not Mexico unless I want good tekillya at a decent price.

    Liked by 1 person

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