Farewell to my Umpteenth Meaningless Relationship

And so the story goes:

I am unable to emotionally attach myself in a romantic way to any male creature alive, despite how hard I may try and how badly I may long for that connectedness that I only experience in the form of a giant void of greyness. I am honest and open about my shortcomings in the realm of romance and relationships – I am truthful up front about my short attention span and lack of co-dependency (and often times this very up-frontedness winds up being a “deal breaker” so we can both cut our losses early on and be don with it). I am honest about my inability to truly trust and harmonize with a counter-part, I am open about my consuming fear of abandonment and about my lack of commitment.

Sometimes, he’s willing to go for the ride and sometimes, he runs as fast as he can in the other direction…

but every time, regardless of what he decides after he learns of my many handicaps in the arenas of “relationships and commitment”, the trip will be short-lived and disappointing to both of us in the end.

Disappointing to me because I always hold out this stupid ass hope that I might actually have a male counter-part out there floating around, and might still be lucky enough to bump into him…and no; once again – WRONG.

Disappointing to him because, well….who’d want to sign up for a go at a relationship with somebody who basically disclosed up front that any relationship you may have been thinking about cultivating with her is NULL?

I’ve known this latest “go” has all but reached his wit’s end with my indifference towards him and what he does, and I could care less. I know that I would not appreciate my behavior if I were in his shoes, and I also know that I wouldn’t want to be lied to on top of several months of wasted time – so I don’t act like I give a shit about what he’s doing either.

He started packing his shit yesterday…

I started helping him this morning…

that wasn’t well received and he was burned by my assistance…

his stuff is loaded into his truck now, and I gave him a hug and said, “Thank you for not being a dick about this…”

He’s gone now.

12 thoughts on “Farewell to my Umpteenth Meaningless Relationship

  1. disconcerted72 says:

    I don’t have anythign to say other than “We men suck, and not always in the good way”.

    Well, I won’t claim to be an expert in relationships, because I’m far from qualified, but I do think there is something to be gained in a relationship ending – the dignity of knowing there is no pretending something is wonderful.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mental Cosmonaut says:

    I myself was into my forties before I was just willing enough to that that great leap of faith so the feelings of indifference and frustration I can understand.

    Whatever it is you decide to do … always with eyes open. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Its not always about decisions for me, unfortunately. ..when it comes to matters of the heart I act impulsively and childish. ..I’m very glad to hear that you’ve found your groove Cosmonaut…I can’t help but to sense that you’ll only get It stronger now…hugs

      Liked by 1 person

  3. lovelypenny says:

    Don’t know what to say, love. Thinking of you though.

    Like

  4. You will continue to shine all by yourself! Good for you for being authentic and honest with your guy pals…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. El Guapo says:

    I’m the last one to give anybody relationship advice, so I’ll just say I hope you find what you’re looking for,and hand you a beer and shoot the breeze while you look…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m sorry about this most recent disappointment but I can’t imagine there’s not a guy out there for someone as awesome as you. It took a lot of fuck ups before I got the right one and even after I did I still fucked up.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Sunshine says:

    so sorry sweets 😦 Wish I could tell you that there will be that one guy one day but God cancelled my subscription…joking aside, I believe that there is a man for each of us, the right man for us. Just keep on shinning and one day he will be there with you. hugs xoxox

    Liked by 2 people

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