Judgment Day

He LIED to me, blatantly and cruelly, despite my genuine support of HIS BULLSHIT for so long – day in and day out –

HE HAD BEEN LYING TO ME SINCE I TRIED TO “DO THE RIGHT THING” AND KNOCK THE WHOLE THING OFF, MONTHS BEFORE HE MOVED OUT!!!

And while that type of thing is obviously okay with you and your people, it IS NOT OKAY with me. I didn’t deserve it; I didn’t ask for it (literally, the opposite); and I will damned if I am going to be further insulted about the fucked up bullshit that I just endured at the hands of your “friend” by you – when you truly have no clue what you’re even talking about. It sucks that you had to go there and say the absolute worst thing you could possibly say to me in regard to that pondscum “friend” of yours – and my so-called “unnecessary drama”. Where the hell do you get off?

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For the record (and so that next time you go talking about it, you KNOW what the fuck REALLY went on):

I tried (beginning several months ago) to break it off. This was due to the fact that I DID, INDEED, SEE THIS BULLSHIT COMING. I tried telling him so many times that I didn’t want shit to end up this way, and all he ever said back to me was stuff like, “Don’t worry…”, or “It’s fine…”, or my personal favorite, “I still want to continue this when I move out…” I tried to tell him that I had no interest in becoming his “booty call”, he swore that wasn’t the case…

Next, when I tried to explain that I had feelings involved for him, and was feeling very used and discarded (based solely on his actions and lack, thereof), in hope that he would understand that this wasn’t stupid game to me – it’s my life – what little there is left of one anyway…he only became more unwilling to behave like a human being. He continued to lie to me throughout his actual move – to appease me in order to continue having his God damned cake and eating it, too. The last batch he dropped off to me prior to the last one, I stood my ground solidly and flat out told him I was losing interest in him and his head games, that I didn’t feel like he was worthy of my attention or affection, that I didn’t want to see him anymore outside of his visits to see you or whatever. He seemed to take in stride, which pissed me off but I let it go.

The very next day, I sent him a text asking to see him before the weekend to swap out batches, as I had finished what he left with me, and he showed up here an hour later – all sweet and sugar-coated, all full of his bullshit lies and head games, and I caved. The next day, I was so angry at myself, and at him, for being such a sucker. I told him so. He proceeded to dog me out once more (the time he flaked me off all day and then showed up shitfaced drunk on a Sunday night), and when he got here, I again, tried to send him packing.

I said: “I don’t want you here if you don’t want to be here.”

He said: “I do, I do want to be here, and you are the only one…I swear.”

And then I let him in my bed again, because I wanted to believe the leis he was telling me, that he’s always been telling me ALL ALONG.

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Please understand that this entire thing has been a head game on my end; and it’s been quite an unjust head game, to boot. I will never understand how certain people are able to sleep at night, but it’s not my place to understand sociopathy, I guess.

All that I know is:

When you or anyone else in your highly misinformed group of “friends” feel obliged to judge me (as I KNOW you ALL do, without doubt), especially in the context of either of the maggot “friends” of yours that I have stupidly tangled with – it would always be more respectable and much less cruel, to actually have the facts and information before doing so. Otherwise, you chalk yourself up with the rest of your “friends” by behaving like a judgmental and pompous jackass.

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I get it, that you and the rest of your “friends” are okay with treating people badly, as long as it doesn’t affect you directly; even if it’s someone you’ve known pretty well and who’s been a staunch ally to you, I get that by now trust me. What I don’t get, and likely never will, is how it is that some people are so capable of smashing what’s REAL and TRUE with the faulty and fabricated bullshit that fits more comfortably for them, for their own life – no regard for what’s right versus what’s wrong, no loyalties (at least, not to the deserving). It’s lost on me.

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4 thoughts on “Judgment Day

  1. Hiding2014 says:

    Reblogged this on Over 40 – Dating and Everyday Life! and commented:
    HA HA HA! I can only laugh inappropriately, I’ve been in your shoes…. there is nothing more I can do but laugh because I don’t have anything left to give. Took me a year and 1/2 to figure it out… It was a solid year and a half, but it was HELL nonetheless. You need to read about Sociopath’s on here. I wouldn’t be surprised if the guy you are dating is named Michael (the SP who sucks the life out of me). I wish there was a cure… not all the crying, anger, hurt, resentment can fix this. Just understanding it was not your fault – and the guy, in my case Michael, is filthy, disgusting, scum of the earth, leach on society, miserable, impotent, loser – who I know is miserable in his own skin – AND so is yours… he just wants you to be as miserable as he is. NO CONTACT, SILENCE and get on with your life! YOU ARE WOMAN AND I CAN HEAR YOU ROAR!

  2. So, I suppose a little background is in order on this post, as I read it, I see how it might have come across differently than it was meant to: this is a word for word copy of an email that I sent to a friend in common between myself and the two faced, recently insignificant person who stabbed me in my back, then my heart (someone who, I am proud to report not having spoken to in nearly two weeks – since I literally told him to lose my # and then proceeded to show him my long middle finger on each hand as he drove past me at the corner bodega).
    But yesterday, the friend said some shit that was waaaaay out of line to me in regard to what has transpired between me and his “friend”. The same “friend” mind you, who talks nothing but shit about him and has NEVER said anything nice or remotely positive in his direction when he’s not around; then turns around and pulls his bullshit ‘all smiles’ song and dance to his face.
    This is one of my best friends on Earth – the recipient of the above post in email form, What he said struck me like a lightning bolt and still hurts to think about right now….

    • Their lack of clarity on the impact is unfortunately becoming more and more obvious by the moment….and I’m afraid I have to look for another place to live now…this type of stress and tension will not last for me, especially as fucking capitalized upon as I’m feeling right now…

    • I’m already in the mode where I’m questioning the value of everyone I considered as being “close” prior to this bullshit…I’m sorry I’m in a super bad place today. ..