I don’t know what triggered you last night; I don’t know what it was that finally broke you…or actually, made you feel broken, finally…whatever it was lied to you. The lies that you bought into last night made you feel insecure and worthless; the things those lies forced you to revisit in your mind only solidified your insecurities – you were weakened by the forces of your own psychological exceptionalism last night. You were in a bad place, I know…I visit it often too, it’s comfortable there somehow for people like you and I, that’s okay.
What ISN’T okay is that you were especially suggestible last night for whatever reasons…you shouldn’t have been alone, my friend…you shouldn’t have been alone. It wasn’t okay that you wound up that way – alone – and in the grips of such hateful self-resentment and such meaningful death wishes –
It isn’t okay that I am too far in distance to have REALLY been your friend when you needed me last night, it wasn’t because I don’t care…my heart feels as if it’s literally struggling to pump blood as a result of my being the “captive audience” to your deeply entrenched misery.
Today, do I have another friend who has gone away; who has left this painful existence and been snuffed out by its poisonous content? I am your friend; I’ve always meant it when I told you that…genuinely. I know you meant it, too. You are special and rare; you are an exception to so many “rules” in the world…have you forgotten that? If you’re gone, it will never be okay no matter how much I respect your ability to decide things for yourself. My heart is running out of room for new hollow spots.