When I first opened my blog up and started writing about Boo – she was still missing at the time (again, I should say) and I was likely the closest I’ve ever come to pure insanity, there was a person who seemed to reply to most of my heart-achingly honest and obvious hopelessness. In all truth – if I’m going to be honest here with this post – I initially opened my blog because I wanted to write down my own versions of things for my estranged, delinquent daughter to read someday, after I had given up on the entirety of the situation that we are held hostage by and removed myself, somehow. I wrote down all of the most shameful and regrettable parts of my trials in motherhood that I’ve never been able to tell her myself, for various reasons, simply entertaining the idea that one day Boo might find closure of some sort from this blog and it’s content, if she ever comes back around close enough to catch it.
There was this one follower – this Cyber-Saint of a human, who is the type of Survivor that my beloved Triple S is: A Nurturer. This blogger was my third follower, and has been with me (seems like most of the posts I make, she’s there to validate me somehow, even with issues that I was certain no other human being has ever struggled with) SHE’S TITANIUM in my personal blogosphere. Staunch. Solid. Respectable and brutally honest in her own recovery from abuses so unimaginable and long-lasting that I often find myself wondering how it’s even possible that she’s able to offer such unwavering support to others who write of similar experiences and their lasting effects. She was that one HUMAN BEING who SINGLEHANDEDLY got through to me in regard to my hopelessness as the grieving and helpless Mother to a highly self-destructive and unruly teenaged daughter. MANDY has been the one to renew my once-fading HOPE for something – anything – better to look ahead for when it comes to my relationship (or lack, there of) with my only child. A few months ago, Mandy sent me a link to the page she maintains called Heroes in My Garden on her blog; and I was dumbfounded to find my own name among the bloggers whom she’s helping to grow there in that special garden of true Survival.
It wasn’t until last night sometime, as I lay awake in the grips of my beloved insomnia and the zillions of thoughts that it streams through my tired mind, that the garden finally made sense to me – that her intentions behind it are so GOOD and NURTURING – it brought me tears in the dark, all alone.
Mandy is conveying her own projection of healing and nurturing to the many broken bloggers that she stumbles across in her reading here on WordPress; she has created a cyber garden in which she can “plant” people she feels are worth the effort and help them to “grow” through her natural gift of NURTURE.
She is most certainly one of my most admirable HEROES too – in more ways than I could even begin to describe in words. Honestly, she gave me a thread to hold onto when I first arrived in the blogosphere, and she has helped that thread grow into a thick and calloused vine over time.
This is my THANK YOU to a VERY POWERFUL SURVIVOR in my recovery and ongoing survival process – MANDY of HEALING BEYOND SURVIVAL.