For What It’s Worth.

When the Bear Trainer rips open an article in describing the nickname she’s been given by “someone whom [she] loves and trusts”, please understand firstly and fore mostly – that these words do not come easily for her; she likes to keep a well-drawn line in between herself and others…she feels safest that way. The Bear Trainer sees herself as “Grotesque”…a mangled and patched together version of what might have been, had she not been physically tortured, and in turn – changed on a genetic level by a man (thing) whose cruelty and sadism matched The Ripper’s in nature and severity. I see something so much more than what might have been when I look at her, when I connect with her…when I listen to her.
Upon knowing the Bear Trainer, my beliefs have been deepened; my fears validated and soothed by a voice of reason; my hand has been taken for the first time in a long, long time…maybe even forcefully, but it was needed. It was crucial, in fact. I do not typically jive so well with females for what I’m sure must be obvious reasons; and so you can know that any women that I am close to are gonna be THE BEE’S KNEES – no stupid beezies ride in my car, truth. So when strange and unfamiliar women send me questions about my passed experience with my ex-husband or, even the current shit with Boo – I typically don’t pay much mind to it; because I typically don’t give a fuck what some dingbat from Upstate New York or Laguna Beach has to snort about my business, to be honest.
Yet, through the bustle and noise of technology and meaningless lines across a screen – there was a fearsome bear standing up inside of a fire to get my attention – to ensure that I listened to its trainer. I wanted to share with anyone who has recently been exposed to the Bear Trainer and her blog; she is fierce and chain-bearing, outspoken and raw – she can make someone disappear with a simple line written in truth, make them obsolete in the Universe…she is larger than life and full of colors richer than the most eye-bending hues…she is the epitome of strength and endurance and courage. She stabilizes “stable”.
But know this:
She is the Bear and the Bear Trainer, aye – but she is a beautiful, delicate and fragile creature that’s been burning white hot forever – and to touch her the wrong way might one day, affect the cooled ashes of an ember…she does not openly accept everyone and let them near her life as I do – she guards her armor well, and rightfully so.
I do not need to ask m y readers to understand this about my beloved Bear Trainer, if any of you should come to know her also…but I’m asking you to try.
Amalija is a VERY RARE FIND…to be treasured and celebrated with a roar.

11 thoughts on “For What It’s Worth.

  1. I love you, woman. I do.. in ways that words can not justify or even begin to match. Thank you, for your fiercely beautiful words.

  2. Reblogged this on Mocking Bird Down and commented:
    The most sacred thing one human being can do for another – is to recognise them – on all levels. To embrace the cracks and flaws and I am and will be eternally grateful for the voice that wrote these words. One day when we are both stars looking down at the world, we can smile – with a peace filled knowing that we were both in the right place at the right time. I love you. But you know this… and I am so glad.

  3. JMC813 says:

    With a roar indeed. That of a bear, but also a lion.

  4. marcus says:

    (((Awhoooo)))
    tail wagging tribute
    I like bear trainers, bears!…they keep trying to take my meat er I mean kill.

  5. I came back to this today. I needed it. I am also reminding you that I have not moved. Your tears have not gone unnoticed and my heart is still with you. Inside your rib cage, holding together the stitching that would unravel if you had a choice.
    Love.