D is for Dissociation.

The word, alone, conjures up images of schizophrenic women huddling in corners, whispering to themselves, insane – completely detached from any reality that any observer may live inside of…I always default back to the book I read during my time in the Girls’ Ranch when I was fourteen about a survivor of ritualistic childhood trauma, the only way this creature was able to survive at all was through dissociation – to the point of losing herself somewhere within its comforts along the way.
I am not a childhood trauma survivor; I cannot emphasize enough – my unwavering admiration and respect and awe of this type of survivor, though it deeply hurts my heart that they even exist at all as a face of Survival…
Children…Children = whatever hope we have left as a species…the cycle of abusing them is in dire need of a screeching halt caused by our own feet sticking firmly in the ground and demanding it. The damage it causes is creating an unseen evolution in our entire species – RECOGNIZE.
Dissociation is a psychological coping mechanism that is often utilized by children in traumatizing situations from which they are unable to physically escape to safety. It is also commonly seen in “battered women” with the same inability. I became very intimately familiar with this form of mental escapism as a means of physical survival during my marriage to a psychopathic murderer; it was, in my opinion, the very most important tool that I used throughout the entirety of my living nightmare – it enabled me to survive.
Despite my very personal experiences with dissociation and the execution of its use in my own past, over the decade in between then and now, I have been successful in learning to keep its use from creeping so far into my daily existence that it throttles out the original “me” with traits that define the “me” who I essentially created back then to be stronger, to be the protector, to be the survivor, to be the primordial. I believe this has ONLY been possible for me due to the fact that dissociation did not become a mechanism of mine until I was a young adult in a tragic situation; I am also able to see very clearly: the hairline fractures left in my soul from its presence in my life for a short time. It’s as a direct result of my own experiences with dissociation, that I am able to readily bleed for anyone who I happen upon that continues to dissociate as an adult – man or woman. The root cause of this psychological affect is so horrible and full of helplessness and hopelessness that it’s difficult to even put into words – what must cause an adult to retract into la-la land as a means self-preservation…I can tell you whatever it is, will be anything but a simple “fix”.
The purpose behind this post is not to sway any opinions by any means, if you are a judgmental ass – I can’t change you…but it really bothers me when I am reading things that are spilled out of a heart belonging to someone who has obviously been through some serious shit – only to follow it up by reading mean-spirited and heartless bullshit in the comments section left from some jackass douche-bag with a quarter brain cell. When you have the capacity to go out of your way to talk shit to a stranger in obvious emotional turmoil, what does that say about what the fuck you REALLY are at the end of the day? Chew on that, please. I’m sorry that you have an emotionally unstable and troubled ex-girlfriend who happened to manifest her own demons by fucking your friends behind your weaselly back, but that doesn’t automatically chalk up the word dissociation with her and her behaviors that you experienced. DO SOME HOMEWORK before you publicize your complete lack of knowledge and//or humanity, if such is not your intention. You reek of stupidity and weakness. Seriously, I’m embarrassed for you upon reading such garbage you see fit to leave scattered across places of healing energy. You should be ashamed of yourselves, every last one of you. Let me ask you – any of you shallow mother fuckers that troll to talk shit:

Does anyone here actually believe that an adult would purposely or intentionally CHOOSE to have to escape reality in order to deal with it? REALLY???

This is what’s wrong with everything, you blind fucks!!! YOU.

31 thoughts on “D is for Dissociation.

  1. neighsayer says:

    Preach, Nigga, preach. I love it, well said. I’ve had an ongoing feeling in my poorer states of mind that I’ve been calling “feeling dissociated,” but I expect I’ve been using the wrong word. What I experience during those times is more like extreme self-consciousness, dissociation from life and reality, not from myself.

    Great post.

  2. JMC813 says:

    Very well said. As strong as you put it I only wish it could be said more strongly. I wanna drive the point home like a fucking nail in the forehead. Keep your spirits soaring and wings spread to provide shelter my friend.

  3. words4jp says:

    I love your chutzpah. I really really do.

  4. mandy says:

    That’s the A i love 😃

  5. bdlheart says:

    I so understand the disassociation that accompanies abuse and trauma. It never really leaves. The last time I was in the hospital, they labeled me Schizophrenic. I disassociated to the point of no return as a result of the PTSD. Slightly off subject I know, but yet another example of how poor our mental health system is. Great post and such an important issue to address.

  6. Behind you all the way. I remember reading the book ‘When Rabbit Howls’ by Truddi Chase.
    Some people are so quick to judge and dismiss, knowing FA about it.

  7. Have you noticed that it’s them who have never suffered who are so quick to troll? Them and the uber religious.
    To comment sensibly, I feel you have to have lived pain.

  8. I was involved with a girl who had dissociative disorder – and although her behaviour was self destructive, and often unrelenting in the effects it had on others and me, who loved her very much – not once did it occur to me to be unkind or cruel towards her. I knew her history – and the horror of it was not something even I could wrap my head around. But I could see her pain, and her efforts to escape and to feel alive and to have SOME control… were just evidence of a broken soul.

    There are a few people in this place that I have come across that spout what they think are wise words of wisdom, because they believe that they understand – the motives – of the person / people they point at and judge.

    I am the survivor of trauma as a small child. And then more of it – over a span of 15 years. I know I don’t only speak for me when I say that ‘we’ as the survivor – are already struggling with who we are and what we carry around. We don’t need some arrogant fucktard whispering bull shit into our ears…

    The saddest part for me is that other stupid people regurgitate what they have heard because this world has a disgusting lack of independent thinkers in it – and so we that sit on the fringe, will seldom be welcome anywhere else.

    Just saying.

    Thank you for the bold post. I wish there were more people with your shameless tenacity wondering these parts.

  9. mgrace58 says:

    Don’t ever apologize for someone else’s stupidity and closed mindedness. They won’t understand what an apology actually is. Ugh, some people!

  10. Rise above says:

    Good write-up.

    I myself suffered from the condition for many years into adulthood, along with depression (it often piggy backs on another condition.) I think the biggest hurdle is that most people do not understand what it is like living with such a thing, as it is literally impossible to explain what it is to an “outsider”.

    Glad I stumbled upon your Blog.

    Be well


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