15 Things That I Have Only Just Recently Recognized As Being “Bad”:
The fact that my boss unfailingly sniffs his coffee when I bring him a cup that I prepared for him.
The fact that I can still (tried and true) ride a skateboard.
The fact that the two things the Orphan brings to me upon his most recent visit were:
b) beach rocks and/or sea shells
The fact that my roommate, Dice has started buying nasal spray at Costco in bulk because I have smeared him so many times as a reflexive result of his intentionally scaring the shit out of me for amusement.
The fact that there is indeed, after all, a difference between baking soda and baking powder.
The fact that the local police know you on a first name basis, still, after all this time.
The fact that strange people can accurately guess who your father was by simply looking at you in a Home Depot.
The fact that my body weight regularly fluctuates from thin mint to chunky chip within the same amount of time it takes to sell a bicycle on Craigslist.
The fact that I have blood cousins named after various types of rodents.
The fact that my nose more closely resembles a hammerhead shark’s with each year older that I get.
The fact that Chuck E. Cheese, Mr. Rodgers and that 1970’s creepy white dude who painted “happy little trees” and sported a “natural” were each way too enthusiastic about the “work” they did.
The fact that my Papa Joe was actually making fun of me every time he agreed that a Corvair would be a fun car to drive.
The fact that Boo honestly still wonders if I have a pair of eyes beneath my hair on the back of my head.
The fact that I can still easily wear juniors’ size clothing, and that I still know it.
The fact that the loop “Cause I’ll be rockin’ this party eight days a week!” from No Sleep Til Brooklyn is my permanent ringtone – always.