15 Things That I Have Only Just Recently Recognized As Being “Bad”:

  1. The fact that my boss unfailingly sniffs his coffee when I bring him a cup that I prepared for him.
  2. The fact that I can still (tried and true) ride a skateboard.
  3. The fact that the two things the Orphan brings to me upon his most recent visit were:
    a) Valium
    b) beach rocks and/or sea shells
  4. The fact that my roommate, Dice has started buying nasal spray at Costco in bulk because I have smeared him so many times as a reflexive result of his intentionally scaring the shit out of me for amusement.
  5. The fact that there is indeed, after all, a difference between baking soda and baking powder.
  6. The fact that the local police know you on a first name basis, still, after all this time.
  7. The fact that strange people can accurately guess who your father was by simply looking at you in a Home Depot.
  8. The fact that my body weight regularly fluctuates from thin mint to chunky chip within the same amount of time it takes to sell a bicycle on Craigslist.
  9. The fact that I have blood cousins named after various types of rodents.
  10. The fact that my nose more closely resembles a hammerhead shark’s with each year older that I get.
  11. The fact that Chuck E. Cheese, Mr. Rodgers and that 1970’s creepy white dude who painted “happy little trees” and sported a “natural” were each way too enthusiastic about the “work” they did.
  12. The fact that my Papa Joe was actually making fun of me every time he agreed that a Corvair would be a fun car to drive.
  13. The fact that Boo honestly still wonders if I have a pair of eyes beneath my hair on the back of my head.
  14. The fact that I can still easily wear juniors’ size clothing, and that I still know it.
  15. The fact that the loop “Cause I’ll be rockin’ this party eight days a week!” from No Sleep Til Brooklyn is my permanent ringtone – always.

13 thoughts on “15 Things That I Have Only Just Recently Recognized As Being “Bad”:

  1. the fact that you are actually expected to bring your boss his coffee. What?!? 🙂

  2. I need to get ¨Sabotage¨ as my ringtone. Great idea!

  3. Holy Fuck! Are we the same person?!! Although my ringtone is “She’s Crafty” these are not bad things btw! They are what make you well, you… & are therefore freaking awesome!!!

  4. My phone is always on silent. Because I don’t know how to chnage my ring tone. .. If I could though it would be something obscene.

    … Ps. I just bought Hyperion.