I have this really bad habit; I believe I can trace its beginnings to around the time that I broke out two of my bottom front teeth (or, in the spirit of accuracy – my ex-husband did). I suddenly had this huge area in my mouth with nothing there at all, like when I was in grade school and lost a baby tooth, but twice the space. Losing my “big girl” teeth has been one of the most humiliating, humbling, and downright miserable experiences of Life for me; as there is always that nagging knowledge buried in my mind that there will be no replacements growing in like there were during childhood. In all, my marriage cost me the better portion of my own, beloved, natural teeth; though most of those have been replaced with porcelain and/or gold by now, accepting three.
It is these three voided teeth that have allowed me to join the ICSL; a group of others just like me – who appear completely white-trash, despite the most opposite of realities attached. I do not live in a trailer; I did not lose teeth due to a methamphetamine habit; I don’t have hella different babies by hella different dudes…
Nope, I just get to enjoy the luxuries of the trashiest of trash as a result of having the shit kicked out of me by the psychopath that I married and had a child with, just the one kid, mind you. I suck my cheek now when I don’t even realize I am doing it; it’s awful and over time has created that fish-faced look to my cheeks (even when there is no mention of selfie involved). It’s sad really, as my back teeth edges have become a little sharper with wear and tear, my cheeks are often chewed to bits on the insides.
Dr. Quackenfuck says it is tension habit born of my PTSD; maybe…maybe not…I guess in a round-a-bout way; but he says I can stop sucking my cheeks if I want to, and make a conscious effort. I have tried many times but always find myself doing it during the most nonchalant of times. This morning, as I was conveying this to him in his office, I looked up and saw that HE was sucking his own cheeks as I spoke. And he has all of his teeth…