Dear Fellow Pirate,

In response to your beautiful poem, I write this letter while holding a telescope, I mean periscope (or whatever that looking thing is called), fighting off a big burly man who wanted to steal my compass, AND also, while growling instructions at my crew. I am pretty sure if I wanted to, I could decapitate someone too, and not have to stop to look.

Because, you see, I can multi task. Because, I am amazing. I am Lightening fast. Powerful and Glorious. Because, you see, there is no ‘effort’ required in steering us both in the right direction. But most of all because I know that if I called, you and your lovely legs would appear – most likely having just taught one of my pirates a thing or two about a two.

You describe hanging on, like I mind. We have matching swords, and an…