So, I guess I am NOT safe to post my own stuff on my own blog, out of fear of triggering some psychopathic stranger across the country with MY OWN PERSONAL content…people are truly despicable, aren’t they?

When my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer, but still somewhat herself, and I decided that I was committing myself to her treatment schedule with her, I was in the process of “getting to know” this person from afar. This person and I had, up until that time, been quite compatible for the most part; we had been growing rather close and spending at least 3 hours on the phone each day. This person had begun to show some alarming behavior just prior to mom’s diagnosis i.e. openly planning to move to my state, getting my name tattooed on his arm, and other things like asking me the question of:


“What would you do if I just showed up on your doorstep one day?”


And, opting to be overly butt-hurt when I responded negatively to such a disturbing query, to boot. I don’t think he ever quite grasped why such a question made me squirm, either, somehow. He began interrogating me regularly, based on old posts he would obsess over on my blog; he began to constantly swing between hating me and calling me horribly inappropriate names and being madly in love with me and promising he’d love me no matter what I was going through. Then, my mom was diagnosed.

This is the same person who called me “staggeringly cruel” for opting to focus on my mother’s health issues, in his trademark passive-aggressive way, and then back-peddling all over when he realized how fucking out of line it was to do such a lowly thing.

For me, it all died right then and there.

During the initial days of the diagnosis, amid the shock and associated dysfunction on my part, this person found it necessary to blow up my phone with cruel and hateful messages regularly, in spite of his awareness of what I was dealing with. The selfishness and cruelty of this person shone through brightly, to put it simply. Everything and anything that had come before between us went out the window.

He continued to comb through my entire blog daily, as a creeper without ever liking anything or letting his presence be seen anymore; he literally wiped clean every single sentiment he ever dedicated to me prior to that, too, like a light switch. He obviously wasn’t able to see beyond his own neediness and immaturity to NOT internalize the things that were happening in my life. People can be so unbelievably blind when it serves them to be.

Next, someone pointed out to me how this person was coat-tailing my readers, I didn’t and still don’t give two fucks about this. Then, someone else talked to me about the new direction that this person online presence had taken (a charity case), and I still didn’t really care too much – – – it’s none of my business what this person does. Go for it, dude. Right? Wrong.

Yesterday, I posted a poem that I wrote several months ago about someone I know in real time (many of my long-time readers can likely piece together who it might have been written about, I’m sure). I can’t write anything fresh at present due to my total lack of attention span (note: all the recent re-blogs in place of newly written content). Somehow this person completely took my post out of context and once again mastered the art of making MY PERSONAL CONTENT all about HIM, somehow; he then proceeded to totaling attacking me and striking out at me (totally out of nowhere in my own perception, mind you). Basically, just more of this person behaving like the buffoon that he so obviously is at heart. He again chose the route of sending me paragraph-long text messages insulting me in every possible fashion and acting all holier than thou.  He did this knowing that I was sitting in the fucking ICU with my mother as she circles the drain (he even said, “don’t try to give me a guilt trip…” when I reminded him of my location and circumstances. His accusations and self-projections made absolutely NO SENSE AT ALL. Why would I write a poem about him at all, much less – right now, so many weeks after my feelings changed for him? If I wanted to talk shit about him and what he’s doing, why would I start now? Why wouldn’t I have done it already like when his cruelty still stung? Right, I wouldn’t. I have REAL problems to deal with. Why should I care if he wants to be sponsored by some anonymous strangers online? For the record, and for ALL to read: I DON’T.


8 thoughts on “Right.

  1. Obviously, he hasn’t paid that close attention to your blog, or else he’d realize you are hyper-aware of this sort of behavior having lived through almost to the cost of your own life.

    I know you don’t need anyone validating your feelings on this matter, but you got to do you and if that means all of your attention is on your mom, then that is what it means.

    I admire you and always have. You are good.


  2. Sadly, at this time of year, Basements seem to repopulate the Troll population. I’m sorry subhumans feel the need to attack and judge people who are just living the best they can as survivors of unspeakable tragedies through no fault of their own. I pray for your continued strength and courage during this stressful time. Knowing you has helped me know that while my recovery is slow, I have no excuse to complain or quit trying my best every day. You are a survivor and I will be, too. Prayers and big hugs sending your way.

  3. Say what? Did this guy have your home phone? Personal email? That is so creepy? Did you initially meet him on via your blog? Sweet Jesus, the holidays seems to bring out the crazies… You might try cutting off complete communication, I know you can block people from your word press site, or keep their comments in moderation, then you don’t even have to read them, just delete them.

  4. Simon says:

    Who is this animal? How could someone do that to you? I’m sorry… You shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of shit.

  5. Ward Clever says:

    How thoughtless and inconsiderate to berate and belittle you while you are going through one of the most painful experiences a person will face? No care or compassion, no empathy, and obviously everything is about him and he gives no thought to you at all. It’s horrific, and he is beneath your contempt. I’m sorry you have to go through this at such a time. virtual hugs 🙁