It feels as if I have swum too far out and snapped my board in half against a storm.
It feels like I am ever-battered by the disappearance and return of surprise rogue breakers.
It feels so full of darkened, smoky expectations and brewing anxieties.
It feels like such a tiny, shrunken world.
It feels as though my chest and esophagus, ears and eyes sizzle with sadness and grief.
It feels so impossible to take this reality into myself, to accept it as truth.
It feels so immense and heavy and is so hard to carry.
But I am forced to pick it up.