Mic Check, One One Two.

me n moose

Hello and Much Love to my long-lost cyber siblings and family!

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

I’m here to catch up and share some super fucked up shit with the Universe and anyone else who happens to read this update:

As you may or may not know, my mama passed away on March 20 – 5 days before my birthday. The long battle and everyone attached to one had pretty much done me in by that time and she died in a convalescent home about 30 minutes away from where I live, where she had been staying since the beginning of December 2017. It had been set up that way because that was closer to my Aunt, who had power of attorney over my mom at the time and also had the time everyday to attend to my mama’s dwindling wants and/or needs. So, needless to say, I was traveling that 30 minutes back and forth at least once a day, sometimes more. It wore not only on my spirit and body – but also on my former car, too.

It was at that time that Boo showed up at my work with her starving and sickly dogs, asking me to help her and take them. She knew that they would ultimately be safe and cared for if they went with me, as opposed to staying on the streets with a homeless an drug addicted prostitute. I found the girl blue nose pit bull a home immediately but was at a loss when it came to the very young, 108 pound, totally unruly male German Shepherd. After a few weeks of searching for a family to adopt him and trying then failing at placing him anywhere, I decided to keep him. We had bonded by then and he was very traumatized by his past, very anxious about being left behind. I fell in love with him in time and he has become the only family I have left from day to day.

The Passat finally broke the fuck down totally during that stretch, though it’s so blurry in recollection to me that I can’t say exactly when or where or how it happened. My mama had signed her car over to me to sell after she was gone, so I drove that for the remainder of the time I had the chance to see my mom alive (a blessing that I would’ve surely gone into total despondency without).

Also during that blur of time, my former Dad re-surfaced and came to be with her until she died, though not in time to allow her any peace of mind through the awareness of that fact; she likely never even knew he was there, as at the end she was in so much pain that she was on a 24hr heavy morphine drip. The end was beyond miserable for her (and anyone who knew and loved her); and I can say that when she finally passed away, relief was an understatement, in my case, at least. My brother has had a Helluva time processing our Mom’s death, surprisingly. My Aunt has gone heart-cold again, like she was all those years of my life before my mom got sick and diagnosed with terminal cancer. She texts me randomly saying stupid shit like “hope you are okay…”, and I never respond.

I walked out on my cemetery job in early June and just kinda fluttered in space for a week or so before the next crisis entered my life (or lack, thereof).

My (former) “good” roommate Dice dropped the most heartbreaking bomb on me during this crucially pivotal emotional point in my world:

“I got married, and, she’s moving in next week”.

My world went off kilter at that point, and I can’t really account for much from then until about a month ago, when I moved to the new nightmare in which I now reside. Finding a place to live with a huge GSD was not easy, and I ended up having to settle for an over-priced, under-kept master suite with a private entrance up in the Lexington Hills – a hideous commute to my job and a hard wear on the pocketbook as well. At present, I am struggling to keep Oso (my dog) in line and not backslide on the training he has so far. I won’t be here very long, but in the meantime, it’s “home“.

Unhappy as I am, I still feel grateful for many elements of the moments I endure.

 

PART TWO: UPPER MANAGEMENT.

It was a few weeks ago, during the crunch of “month end” in the accounting department, that the regional marketing manager (the “Big Big Boss”) threw open the door and entered with the general manager (the “Big Boss”) into the domain of math, food, and disgruntled women.

I was at the typewriter in the back completing the Day Sheet when the two of them made the obnoxious whirlwind akin to any pair of physically obese and socially dogmatic bigots upon entering a room full of their’ inferiors.

People –ESPECIALLY BIG, FAT MEN THAT TALK LIKE PEEWEE HERMAN – like his tend to have many private conversations among themselves about such inferior beings (employees) in most annoyed manner, for the record…

 

The very first thing that the Marketing Dude says upon opening the door and setting foot in the Accounting Department, and at the top of his Pee Wee-esque voice, says is:

          “Everyone get your green cards out and ready to show ‘em to the guy that pays your bills…”

 fat crook

And, in spite of my own inner-hackles being thrust up immediately, and the quite instantaneous rise in my blood pressure, the two of them just casually walk right on into the main office area and Mr. Marketing repeats the stupid-ass green card comment a second – then, a third time just as loudly, to the rest of my former co-workers (several, such as my former cubicle mate and (by this point) good friend, are natives of Mexico – in my friend’s case, under sponsorship by her husband for citizenship at present).

The two fatties laugh at their own jokes and harass the assistant manager for a brief time before rolling down the hallway to a different department to undoubtedly tell the same stupid jokes and poke each other’s Pillsbury a few more times or whatever they do.

And, in their wake, NOTHING…the supervisors don’t show any surprise or disgust  at the racism that just dumped itself all over our entire office; nobody says a fucking word – besides me.

I went to the office manager’s desk and said,
“Did you here that?”

Her response (and she is a black lady):

“Nobody said anything when they were still in here, y’all were laughing along with them…don’t try to come in here now after they’ve gone and say something about it, don’t try to act like you’re offended or something…”

She looked me up and down as if to say,

“Why do you care anyway, you don’t have a green card?”

 

Fuck that place, I’m so blessed to have gotten out.

 

PART ONE: THE ACCOUNTING DEPT.

Shame on them all, the blind fuckheads that they are…how soon we forget where we came from.

  1. You’ve got Ms. Office Manager of “Deliverance”:
    too caught up in her own confusion and cluelessness to even realize what a mistake it was to put someone as lacking in workplace knowledge and ethic as herself in charge. She calls shots and plays smart as the accounting department goes to shambles because she doesn’t know shit about what she’s doing from day to day. Not cold hearted, but heartless. Not even kidding anyone about anything, despite her failed self-imaging of a Jedi Master.
  2. Then there’s lil Miss “Princess Complex” Assistant Manager:
    She’s like 12 years old, in every way besides her ungainly height…the very last kind of person on Earth you wanna give any control to because yeah, she likely blows kisses to herself in the mirror whenever she gets the chance. This one is single handedly holding up the accounting department, and this can’t last. The gods have put her quite the lose-lose predicament, though she doesn’t know it yet. Too young for me to really hate forever.

Next, there’s Wednesday Addams, the unknowing lame:
So what? Wow, she inputs data and walks around like a permanent Mad Dog, with the most miserably frowning face imaginable every moment of every day. She covertly snitches on co-workers, pays far too much attention to what everyone else is doing, and was personally offended by Miss Princess Complex’s promotion to Assistant Manager when it happened, talking long shot about the entire situation. I’ve never heard her say anything remotely positive about the company etc. If any workplace on the planet had fewer employees like her, the world would be a better place.

The kicker to this scenario is that the rest of “the team” bust their collective assets to hold everything together: good, bad or otherwise. It tolls heavily. Then, the instant somebody speaks up about the conditions that we’re working under, it’s announced that employees are not allowed to walk around expressing any type of dissatisfaction.
Well Wednesday Addams gets to walk around looking looking like her dog just got run over by a car.
Fuck that place, I’m blessed to have finally gotten out.

Number Crunched.

The department that accounts for things,
Holds very few true human beings,
Its evolved a new breed of “humanity”,
They’ve created a place full of resentment and greed.
The sound most often heard is the sniveling,
Of entitlement and its non-stop complaining,
To a point where nobody wants to be,
party to the effort made so bitterly.
Where it feels like an impossibility,
to face another day of such futility,
the management can’t seem to see,
Any sliver of what’s good, in reality,
They smile because they’re making money,
All the while, look at us in our misery,
Make it rain on us while outside it’s sunny,
We live like fiends on pay that cant keep,
Our bellies full, or make our ends meet,
There’s a child sitting in the manager’s seat,
And they call this “Dignity”.