Silliness.

Silly, silly me,
to once again,
redundantly…
peel back,
broken skin,
to let it bleed…
the point,
as it had been,
is lost on me…

Silly, silly you,
to have,
misconstrued…
such a concisely,
spoken clearly,
cemented truth…
damn you,
to next see,
the full moon…

Yet – sillier still,
was the bend,
of so much will…
and even right now,
it’s twisted somehow,
my stomach’s ill…
over such an end,
in betrayal again,
a void I cannot fill…

In Lieu.

The seconds don’t matter

same as meaningless chatter

the minutes form a comedy

that is my existence, actually

the hours are anchors

attaching to fog

that I see the whole world through

not funny at all, but sure to amuse

not heavy, but sure to fall through

down into the thick and inky hues

now, a tragedy forms in lieu

and the audience applauds

clapped hands and head nods

as if they like to see

me poised here, ready to bleed

my hands can’t seem

to grip the props tightly

clatter and clang to the floor

in a room I can’t leave anymore

throughout the course, I become

unable to trust anyone,

unable to see what I’ve done,

unable to reach out,

far too gone.

 

 

Monstrosity.

Sacrificially inseminated,
strung across a radar’s rim,
a sported trophy limb for limb;
artificially accumulated,
with the seed of what’s human,
however, unrecognizable to them;
insignificantly appreciated,
straddled astride the old confines,
mirroring through space and time;
purportedly uneventful,
no changes made to our story-line,
ancient wisdom of the senile mind;
Thunderously silent,
across every galaxy in the sky,
expand the Universe to erase the naked eye;
sheepishly obnoxious,
can’t help but to wonder why,
we encourage each other to wither and die;
Elated taciturnity,
the mad dash at being first in line,
flocked together on the doorstep of the divine,
suppressed transparency,
receptive to carbon-based humankind,
an immaculate conception that’s been streamlined .

Eating Thorns.

All this time

in between

then and now

been simmering

been building up

rather patiently

brooding silently

been grinding teeth

been stomping feet

been digging holes

with an upward swing

eating poisonous thorns from trees

like it’s sugarcane

with Mexico’s best peyote

cigars and syringes

sparkling fringes

champagne, cocaine

and pornography

somewhere out there

fathomed too deep

where I hardly sleep

but my eyes stay closed

my mouth remains sewn

over words of my own

this place is forsaken

this space can’t be taken

the loose change shaken

from the secret pockets

sewn inside my cheeks.

 

On “What Ifs”.

“What if…?”

and, as the words
shoot from my mind
through my lips…
there’s a sign,
shooting from
somewhere
far behind.

What if…?

And, I cannot know
the aftertaste of
a poison on my lips…
a crash above,
low the high
circling
what was.

What if…?

And, as the chance
sucks itself down the drain
out of my fingertips…
there’s a pang,
deep inside
everywhere
all over again.

What if…?

And, as the present
becomes the past, here and gone,
time all spent…
hard and long,
lungs howled
everything
emptied of my song.

Wasted Energies.

You've done this thing,
like attaching a string,
from my mind to your heart,
from my mouth to your brain;

You've created this thing,
like a hornet's sting,
from my inner-most thought,
comes a painful tingling;

You've become something,
not quite a human being,
from my unhealed parts,
the blood is running again;

You've turned out to sing,
the song of an old enemy,
from the deepest of want,
for the very same things;

You've proven to swing,
back and forth, in between,
from the history you haunt,
o the throne of a King.




Right Here, Right Now.

Well, it’s been a while since I had any time or interest in sitting down and repeating the events that have most recently transpired in writing for my blog…my spark to write anything worth reading has all but fizzled out completely. I do, however, feel as if after dumping so very many of my life’s struggles and problems here onto my ever faithful and supportive cyber-family, it’s only right that I put out an updated memo at some point in time.

And, now is the time for one.

 

  1. My mama is alive and kicking still, somehow…she continues to absolutely defy the odds at every turn of the road we are on. Her PET results were mind boggling Friday morning, to the point where I was in tears, just standing in silent awe with my eyes locked to the screen. The cells are so small that they are not visible to the naked eye at present. My mama has successfully bought herself another chuck of time, Gods willing.
  2. My job is a constant struggle these days for several reasons:
  • Until Friday, I have been forced to sit next the most annoying and attention-hungry employee at my location.
  • I have been jaded by the typical dealings with a loathed representative of the Male Persuasion since our falling out a month or so ago.
  • I have seen various things that have made me hate people even more than I did before.
  • I am only able to honestly say I can trust TWO people on my team. (no fun)
  1. My daughter is still a vaguely distant stranger to me, and my former stepdad continues to make my bile rise with any and every contact.