Noise Pollution.

 I’m in quite some mood,

the first few moments,

of my day were good,

then the components,

of my domestic brood,

plus the added bonus,

of my own inquietude;

 

the bass thumps strong,

my blood up too far,

a siege lain upon eardrums,

feeling like a Wild-Card,

a party after Junior Prom,

is where he must think we are,

a refusal to lower the volume,

met my good ol’ trusty crowbar;

 

It really shouldn’t be,

a thing so impossible to know,

that folks with PTSD,

need to perceive certain control,

when the music level envelopes me,

so loud that my brainwaves roll,

no one should wonder why I’m angry,

and refuse to remove my earphones.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shame on Me and the Cursed Empathy.

I guess at this stage of the situation in which I blindly bound myself about a year and a half ago now, the question that burns the biggest hole in my soul would be this:

Why in the Hell would anyone INTENTIONALLY remain to annoy and disrespect; in a living situation that has become obviously regrettable and problematic with the very same person who originally allowed that person in to a home to begin with?

I mean, for me in my own personal experiences with things like this, I tend to lean towards the old saying that goes,

“Nobody likes to be somewhere when they are not wanted.”

Apparently, not everyone is made uncomfortable by being an imposition and a nuisance to the life of someone who’s only mistake had been trying to help that person in the past; someone who has been more than patient during the long period of time that a former welcoming gesture has been overstayed and taken wildly advantage of; someone who just wants her own life and routine back, finally. Apparently, some people have no issue whatsoever with becoming a thoroughly hated and resented element from one day to the next, simply based on the fact that they are here – and unwanted. For a long while, I had certainty of this person’s oblivion, in regard to my displeasure with his continued residence, but after finally blowing up and releasing the seething wrath he has sown within my being over time, there is no longer any excuse for his refusal to just leave already. Since my overdue explosion, I know with certainty that he is aware of my readiness for him to move out and move on in his own life – anywhere besides my house. I know that he is aware of how I feel about and perceive him also – because I told him those things too during my blow-up. I have become paranoid of him because he is not trustworthy, and has proven such time and again – which makes me question everything about him and anything he says or does. That is no way to live in the same space with someone else; and I am getting to the point where I might have to talk to Dice (my other roommate and the homeowner where I live) about it, whether I like it or don’t. I have been avoiding involving him for obvious reasons; but he is the one who can make it happen without any drama…kinda paradoxal, isn’t it all? Fuck me and the cursed empathy…it gets me every fucking time in the end to be a “human being” to another carbon-based life form.

Mud.

You annoy me
beyond description;
your feigned oblivion,
to a situation…
I don’t buy it;
I don’t like it,
I can’t stand it.
The nerve –
you have postured,
the monster –
I’ve fostered…
The one I wish,
I’d never known…
the days pass by,
with your thorn,
stuck in my side;
you have come,
to epitomize…
all things patronized,
all things I don’t like,
by no means will I abide;
you’re a grown ass man,
not a fucking child,
pick your trash up,
and do not expect,
for someone else,
to do that shit;
it makes me sick,
the nonchalant…
the attitude of:
a fucking blue blood…
perhaps you should,
recognize…
what’s what –
and be on your way.
pull your stick,
and be quick
from my mud.

Hint, hint.

So tired have I grown…

my eyes finding your trash piles;

this ain’t a hotel…

Never have I known…

such a snake behind a smile;

you don’t fit here well.

Forget What I Said.

I take back anything and everything that I ever said about the Orphan; he is a user and a fake person just like the rest of you are. I wish I had never asked him in to my home and/or life. And since, I stupidly did – – – I wish that he would disappear now. He is cramping my life and annoying my lifestyle beyond belief, and needs to just get the fuck away from me. I am tired of pretend people, and even more tired of the bullshit small talk he uses to try and constantly sway the flow of any conversation. I hate his presence here – how he only pops up the instant the other roommate leaves, as if to defy my very privacy and alone time. I hate that I once cared enough about his stupid life that I actually worried myself into letting him live where I live…and now, he won’t stop snagging my sheets. I want him to go and be gone, for good.