Stag Pool Party.

(A Farmer’s Insurance commercial that literally makes me laugh so hard I nearly hyper-ventilate, every time).

NOTE: Between the second and third scenes with the lights coming on, the diving board in the background…omfg…

 

“Mad Skillz”.

As a lover of Terminal Velocity in Free Fall (although admittedly, I am no swooper by the stretch of anyone’s imagination – but I know a few record title holders in skydiving’s kindred “suicidal sport”), I am not alone in finding this particular parody absolutely hilarious. I have included the original scene of ‘Downfall’ (out of which ‘Mad Skillz’ was created) – followed by the Skydiver Twist in regard to the sport of Swooping. The story behind the original joke is a long story but in short, was about a comment made by an amateur swooper in regard to his own ability to swoop before having the proper canopy or enough hours of training. Enjoy!

The Original Scene:

 

“Mad Skillz” Scene:

 

 

 

Raylan Said it Best When He Said:

I think Raylan Givens from the Justified TV series said it best when he said:

“You need a cleanup on isle whatever…”

tim and raylan

An Ode to Cutty Sark.

A “Modernista” “Millionaire” heiress,
by the name of “Amber Moon”,
traveled the Americas far and wide,
drank scotch in every whiskey room.

From her “Horse’s Neck” hung a “Crowbar”,
its handle of wood stained in “Hangman’s Blood”,
to remind her of “Suburban” “Brooklyn”,
when her days were their’ furthest from good.

Her “Irish Coffee” from “Glasgow” posse,
included legends like the pair “Jack and Coke”,
Mr. “Beam and Seven” – the “Brain Duster” Eleven,
and many other famous scotch whiskey blokes.

With “Old Pals” like “Rob Roy” and “Farnell”,
and the “Four Horsemen” from “San Martin”,
Raymond Massey” and the “Prince of Wales”,
Remember “Bobby Burns” and good ol’ “Rusty Nail”?

Stengah”, “Benka” and the ancient “Chancellor”,
Mizuwari”, “Fanciulli” and the ever-reliable Assassin,
Whiskey Mac” followed by a classic “Sazerac”,
tracked “Blood and Sand” back from “Manhattan”.

Happy Animals #1 – Bamboo the Skateboarding Dog.

I have TWO favorite things about this video clip:

1) The smiling and happy dog fucking pumps her leg for momentum!!!

2) She is undeniably stoked as Hell to be skating the beach parking lot.

Notes to Self – Note # 41

Dear Self,
• How old are you, again?…
• Really, I mean c’mon…you:

a) behave like a two-year-old at an after-school daycare birthday party
b) be a bigger pothead than Spicoli ever was – and forget important shit
c) insist on impossible things – rendering yourself impossible to please

• If a guy has been in your company for 48 hours and only then says something along the lines of

“You know…? You’re fuckin’ hot…”

Time to go ahead and take another inventory of things
• If the same guy makes the seemingly random suggestion of “painting your bedroom” or “gardening” the instant he comes over for the first time, take another inventory of things
• If someone posing as a “poet” seems UNABLE to leave the topic of themselves for very long, they are likely full of horse shit
• When a man believes that he needs lifelong reaffirmation and/or reassurances as a result of being let down a few times by a parent, or being cheated on by his ex-wife – GAME OVER. GET OUT.
• The above described situation is what I refer to as a “Conflict of Reality”…nobody wins
• It’s really too bad it isn’t physically painful to be a fucking sniveler – I think there would be far fewer crybabies in the world, if it hurt
• Plotting to kill someone while you are doing yoga or jogging or swimming still totally counts as plotting to kill somebody; doing it while engaging in healthy activities DOES NOT change anything about that