Growly Monster.

There’s something dark that stays with me;
ever-present within, and threatening;
at least two blatant steps ahead,
of the slippery tread,
that I beat.
Can’t get away from its angry, clenched teeth;
or the burning inside of my chest cavity;
cerebral pounding in my head,
the growly monster under bed,
please, shoot me.
A shadow that laughs as it follows my feet;
at my dwindling sense of any real thing;
eyes that paint everything red,
a body, gone brain-dead,
just finish me.

Dark Affairs.

Within this recent stretch of time,
became an expert in the perpetual state,
of feeling thoroughly and totally resigned,
I embraced a prematurely defeated fate…

Each direction I look, I can only see more,
of the darkness that is my shadow,
there’s a sinister, wildly teetering force,
precariously trailing me on its tip-toes…

And, though, my brain tells me one thing,
my spirit has finally been trumped,
my body wants to lay down in the dirt,
and dare my brain to stand it back up…

My own voice carries inconsolably void of life,
thoughts darken like the dim before the movie begins,
a “Survivor” is bound a slave to Anguish and Strife,
until the enslavement finally comes to its end…

By Gods, I have tried to climb the rungs higher,
exhausted any means ever made available to me,
struck the matches and danced through the fires,
dropped from the skies – dove deep in the sea…

these days, I’m too afraid to go anywhere out there,
just a fucked up world full of fucked up things,
deepening the darkness in a dark and drawn-out affair,
full of shallow and cruel “human beings”.

Dark Heart of Me.

I have these dawning moments when:
everything around me tightly closes in
tunneled down by a tornado’s spin –
and at end of the tunnel –
lies the booming realization;
I have these dulled down memories:
so very many once meaningful things
carved, imparted on the dark heart of me –
but I have let them fade away –
no new recollections to retrieve;
I know of some of the sacred divinities:
many thing shown to me by the elderly
drawn like a map amidst the Mysteries –
however, the mystery is gone –
what fills its place, tastes bitterly;
I live amidst a sense of danger and doom:
like a shadow cast by a permanent gloom
no matter where I go, it’s in the room –
it’s impeded upon a part of me –
not likely to change anytime soon;
I display a die-hard tendency:
hardens the hardness of the people I see
deepens the darkness of the world around me –
to lead the horses to the water –
and wait there until each one drinks;
I am modified by the things that I’ve survived:
skin on my body grown from cells that were not mine
ears pinned to my head like Frankenstein –
these things were never easy –
but they’ve sure made me feel alive.
I try my best to look ahead:
not get tangled up in any said and done webs
not worry about what he or she might have said –
no matter they say about the end of another day –
we’re all just one day closer to being dead.

UniVariable

jaws bitches

Likened to the Universal idea of what shines back at me,

Through the endless paneled panes of mirrored eternity;

There is a shadow beneath the cold – belonging to my secrets, yet untold;

The only remaining pieces left anymore of this garbled identity.

Untouched by the madness of a place that’s killed me,

The ugliest elements of something I’d rather not be;

I’ve spent so many years – swallowing down resistant tears;

So long ignoring the very roots that bind the Earth to this tree.

As silent as the drum-busting vacuum of space,

A secret truth anchored soundly behind the lie of my face;

I know the drill – always have and I always will;

A paradox black hole owns every inch of this place.

Even memories aren’t safe with me anymore,

All twisted and warped into different versions from before;

Forgotten voices ring out in the echoing halls – dark-stained walls;

Spoken by ghosts I have learned not to fear anymore.

And the thunderous banging of my most selfish mistakes,

The result of every bad decision this brain might ever make;

The faceted panes of faces like mine – lost in the chaos of space and time;

Spinning and spinning, unable to just give in and resign;

There’s not a face in this galaxy as ugly as mine.