Monstrosity.

Sacrificially inseminated,
strung across a radar’s rim,
a sported trophy limb for limb;
artificially accumulated,
with the seed of what’s human,
however, unrecognizable to them;
insignificantly appreciated,
straddled astride the old confines,
mirroring through space and time;
purportedly uneventful,
no changes made to our story-line,
ancient wisdom of the senile mind;
Thunderously silent,
across every galaxy in the sky,
expand the Universe to erase the naked eye;
sheepishly obnoxious,
can’t help but to wonder why,
we encourage each other to wither and die;
Elated taciturnity,
the mad dash at being first in line,
flocked together on the doorstep of the divine,
suppressed transparency,
receptive to carbon-based humankind,
an immaculate conception that’s been streamlined .

Human Loyalties.

Today, I want to discuss the notion of loyalty; and, what loyalty means at the end of the day to me, at least.

My mama has been married to my my stepdad for just over 31 years (their 31st anniversary was on 28th of December); she has NEVER strayed on him or done him dirty in all that time (outside of the trivial bullshit that people do to each other when they spend too much time together) – and he has never done her dirty either.

When she was diagnosed with terminal cancer on December 6, his initial response was to remain in full-blown denial about it until she nearly died the first time she was taken to the ER (the sudden fever of 104 degrees, C-dif and septic pneumonia). It was at that point that he must have realized how near any time that they had remaining together was to being over; and he began to display dickhead behaviors such as flaking off her appointments, not answering or returning her calls and, most shockingly, never coming to visit her when she was recovering in the hospital ICU.

My mom’s heart was broken by this alteration in his behavior, needless to say; and her feelings toward him changed, accordingly. Due to her compromised immune system, her release from the hospital required certain things directly pertaining to her environment and its safety in the face of her vulnerable and weakened state. Again, he did nothing to make this happen for her to be able to go home to her own house to recover. He refused to kick my meth-addicted daughter out completely and permanently (methamphetamine smoke is NOT an okay element for someone in my mother’s condition, nor are any of the people or things associated with it’s destructive nature); he failed to make the few adjustments that were asked of him, failed to show up for the jobs that he and I were supposed to be covering for my mom, and eventually – he disappeared altogether. Yes. Disappeared.

During the past few weeks of living Hell for my mom and the rest of our family, he has been doing gods know what somewhere else, without even a call to inquire about whether his wife was dead or alive. When my mom began to show signs of true delirium (due to a brain seizure that lasted for 5 days), she would re-surface to lucidity pretty often at first. During those times, she would be heart-broken over and over again to “learn” that her husband had abandoned her. Watching her go through that repeatedly was one of the hardest things I have ever had endure, and something snapped inside of me during that blur of days strung together in my mind; it was something I will never forgive him for, doing that to her during such a crucial time of her dwindling life.

When she returned to the hospital in the grips of the seizure (this most recent time), I finally had the freedom and time to track his sorry down and talk to him face to face, a circumstance that may or may not have been what my mom wanted me to do, but was done either way. I described in minute detail, the nightmarish existence my mama had come under over and over upon realizing his absence in her life; I told him that I hoped he and my daughter were happy for what they’d done to my mom; I told him if I ever saw him anywhere near her hospital room or subsequent residence, I would have a bullet put through his brain. I told him what a piece of useless shit he had been turned into in my own perception, and I also told him that my mom should have left him years ago. The very last thing that I made sure to point out to him was the way that: if the tables had been turned and he had been diagnosed with cancer or some other terminal illness, my mom NEVER would have abandoned him. NEVER.

Before I left, I reiterated my threats to him, if he comes near my mama again for any reason.

And those, as rough around the edges as they might be, are my random thoughts on human “loyalties”.

Ditch the Flock.

Let’s be like herded sheep, shall we?

and stand in line for centuries,

like in mind to the dullest ancestries,

let’s evolve without changing anything…

now, we all line up without questioning,

spend money on shit that has no meaning,

nothing to show have we “sentient beings”,

besides the bombs we can blow atomically…

we watch the World News from home on TV,

bump our gums about what we’d do differently,

but at the end of the day, that logic is shifty,

coming from a cesspool of such inactivity…

Let’s line up overnight to see a premièring movie,

then trample each other with the doors’ opening,

we each do what we like without ever considering,

how the rest of the sheep want other sheep things…

and sadly things will only become more trifling,

because sheep are too stupid to know anything,

unable to think on one’s stand-alone feet,

we are all doomed ‘til we stop acting like sheep.

 

 

 

Abuela.

Read about the Incident can be found here:

Based on the communal nightmare that took place in my mother’s street (literally two doors down from her home) the other day; and, after seeing firsthand the ways in which panic and confusion can easily take over an already chaotic scenario, I have decided to take the initiative of beginning a “neighborhood panic button” for my own neighborhood. I do not foresee any situation in which a gunman takes, and subsequently murders a hostage – but my parents wouldn’t have foreseen it, either. I feel obligated in a sense to do this for one main reason: empathy. As an outsider who was caught alongside the insiders during this horrible event’s unfolding (a total of 13 hours by the time we were cleared to leave the vicinity), I can say with certainty that things could have been handled very differently in regard to the surrounding neighbors – by the surrounding neighbors. This had NOTHING to do with police actions that were littering any square of sidewalk for blocks in any direction, either…they did an impressive perimeter lockdown and had every resource at work from the time they arrived until they finally left during the wee morning hours the next day.
The issue I kept feeling like I was backhanded by was undoubtedly the overall lack of concern, cooperation, and/or compassion put forth by the very people that live there. It has never been a very close-knit neighborhood, despite what everyone is saying in the news since the incident. Nobody, save Abuela (the woman who was killed), my mother (not my step-father because he is as inti-social as it comes), a Slavic man with a tiny dog named Tiger, and two archaic elderly couples on either corner, even speak to one another regularly. The few people who behave neighborly to one another have only come to do so with a long passing of time and necessity (an earthquake, a car accident outside, etc.). People had no idea that Abuela was even in trouble, much less – that kind of trouble; my mother did not even hear the shots that killed her from two houses away…I swear to the Gods at one point early on in the stand-off, I heard the Korean man who lives in between my mom and the crime scene in his backyard sorting through his recyclables – I would have assumed he was completely oblivious to what was going on, but am positive that he knew because we had all been put on lock-down and the police had been in and through the houses surrounding Abuela’s, including my mom’s. I just feel like maybe if her neighborhood gave a little more of fuck about one another on a humanitarian level, things might have ended differently…I don’t know. What I do know is that THIS is prime example of why neighbors should be neighborly to one another during times of NON-CHAOS.
Empathy is a near extinct and quite unpopular notion, I know…but when are all these uppity, self-absorbed, judgmentally challenged idiots everywhere going to grasp the concept that it is, and always has been EMPATHY that sets human beings (as a species) apart from the rest – – – we are doomed undeniably if we let it fade to chaos.

Monstrosity.

Sacrificially inseminated,
strung across a radar’s rim,
a sported trophy limb for limb;
artificially accumulated,
with the seed of what’s human,
however, unrecognizable to them;
insignificantly appreciated,
straddled astride the old confines,
mirroring through space and time;
purportedly uneventful,
no changes made to our story-line,
ancient wisdom of the senile mind;
Thunderously silent,
across every galaxy in the sky,
expand the Universe to erase the naked eye;
sheepishly obnoxious,
can’t help but to wonder why,
we encourage each other to wither and die;
Elated taciturnity,
the mad dash at being first in line,
flocked together on the doorstep of the divine,
suppressed transparency,
receptive to carbon-based humankind,
an immaculate conception that’s been streamlined .

Assailed.

The noise has grown unbearable atop a fortress’ ramparts –
ten thousand swooping pterodactyls amidst the horizon,
the bantering of all the world’s inebriated sailors setting sail –
the bellies of every monster growling in a symphony of hunger,
the swarming of every dead and gone spirit’s uprising to the heat –
a chaotic explosion from nothing at all into everything there is,
the drowning out of young giggles within meaningless adult words –
complete destruction of the calm isles veiled by smoky-blue waters,
the solitude of confinement washed out by a high pressure firehose –
the noise grows and grows like an ornery, bad weed strain,
it’s rumble and tumble tectonically taking steps towards world war –
plates shifting, funnels twisting, levees failing, babies adapting,
a species evolving to become accustomed to its deafening noise –
a breed unlike the original roots to a better humanity,
the fields became buildings, the tractors drove themselves away –
malfunctioned smart electronics that will throttle our truths,
skies changing into backdrops to a new storyline –
a scripted game played by something or things much greater,
much wiser, much more antiquated than the pawns moved around –
this is the noise, this is what it must sound like to be swallowed,
by an invisible ocean giant sperm whale, inside of space’s vacuum.

Trample.

I can’t help it – that I’m inclined to worship Hope;
it is hardwired into my spirit to either die, or believe;
they’ve always said: that I run the air in my head,
in its purest form – un-buffered and painfully…
which doesn’t always work out so well for me;
as the resigned souls grow affectedly irritated;
by the squinting of eyes against a pinprick of light,
the unknown ahead has already left their minds jaded…
there’s a reason that my heat smolders Hope eternally;
it’s a valid reason that’s simple enough to perceive;
that there was a day – thousands of days before now,
that the ember died out and my spirit ceased to believe…
and it was during my meanderings through darkness;
that I felt the searing pain and end of days for sunshine;
and so goes why every pinprick of shining light at the end,
becomes more meaningful with each new glance of mine…
very rarely does a person truly drink down the nectar;
as it drips like diamonds of dewy wisdom from our trees;
all too often, we lose sight of the teeny pinpricking lights,
and are either trampled by others, or you’re doing the trampling…
and if we aren’t careful, the tunnel blacks out once again;
the light at the end barricaded behind piles of trampled bodies;
it’s a natural response to harbor an unspoken urgency,
when everyone around you is in such a Gods damned hurry.

The Differences Between us

enemy

 

 

I once believed in my fellow human being – the same kind of human being as the kind that I am:  a creature that is fully capable and often willing to lay importance at the feet of anything outside of itself, genuine in the spirits of kindness and empathy. I used to have faith of embarrassing depths in the notion that most, if not all, other people I knew were hardwired to perceive something as seemingly innate as the consideration of needs belonging to those besides ourselves. I have learned in the hardest of ways, however, that the vast majority of so-called humans, are in stark contrast to the type of human being that I remain. When I use the word “remain” to describe the way I feel about the obvious differences between me and 9 out of 10 people that I know, it’s meant to convey the underlying sense that I harbor regarding the human species’ and the Darwinian theory of physiological evolution. It seems as if people, or at the very least – those whom reside in even the most subtle of urban populations, are speedily adapting to our surrounding stimuli and environmental variables, as we have historically done in social settings; there is no profound or enlightening information surrounding human ability to adapt in a wide range of extremely disparate scenarios.  The difference that I have repeatedly observed as quite an alarming implication of the future course all of humankind – one that has become increasingly prevalent and even sub-consciously celebrated in our populations worldwide – would most certainly be the way in which humankind has branched out within the parameters of those adaptations.

For example, in the Missing Link Theory of human genetics, we have perceived this Missing Link as the bridge that will explain the vast differences between the behaviors and cultures of the modern human (Homo sapien) lifestyle and those of our closest ancestors, Homo neanderthalensis i.e. “Ötzi, The Ice Man” and Homo floresiensis i.e. “Flo, The Flores Man”. Our species were separated by differences in lifestyle so vast and dumbfounding, that the only reasonable cause for such differences has been identified as evolution. This apparently random type of “leap mutation” between genetically embedded codes associated with each species, miraculously proved to be the essence of Human Evolution. There remains an unknown variable (the missing link) that was theoretically a necessary element that directly caused the effected fast-track of the human species to the top of the food chain during this evolutionary shift in power amongst our ancient ancestors and those similar in classification. Scientists cannot say for certain why it was US (humans), as opposed to the various hominid species around at that point in history (at least one class is known to have had notably larger brains than humans) – excelled in the unprecedented advancements we achieved. The sudden explosion of creative processes such as the formation and widespread use of verbal and symbolic communications, tool crafting and building, and hunting wild animals for use of meat, fur and hide, practices never before mastered by any mammalian creature, offers evidence that something physiological happened that changed the wiring in the human brain – thus, explaining the extreme adaptations to the human physique and lifestyle.

Every other hominid-family species died off shortly after our time of shared existence. The next amazing fact surrounding our exceptional evolutionary leap ahead of our counterparts – would undoubtedly be how our species not only survived the mass dying-out of our entire family of genetic kin, we seemed to have flourished throughout such an ordeal; our skills became honed and our crafts were practiced and perfected to an art. We have prevailed at the top of the food chain for centuries – on an innately hardwired quest in search of knowledge through discovery and control through dominance. The ever-more-familiar changes in human behavior (generally speaking) speak volumes to me about how deeply embedded the notion of selfishness and self-absorption truly have become in the mutants all around me – the mutated versions of would-be human beings that make up the easy majority of the national population – and most likely – the Global Population. These obnoxiously shallow creatures are the type who don’t think the rules of the world apply to them, and act accordingly in every aspect of daily life; these are the assholes who don’t feel like they should have to wait in traffic like the rest of us, so they cut in line or drive the shoulder; the very same people who steal and lie unnecessarily – in the spirit of being “control” over what doesn’t belong to them. The collective human mind has quickly become over- motivated by a tangible, tradable wealth; in place the eternally important spiritual one.

A friend of mine said the other day, “The ideology of Control has slipped behind the driver’s seat and gotten onto the highway…” to which, I replied, “I hate to rain on your Socratic Parade, but, Control was the genius that designed and built the fuckin’ car…”

The urge harbored for centuries by humankind to control is equivalent to a social poison; a toxicity to the brain that likely infected and killed off those distant genetic cousins of ours during the Great Leap era. What puzzles me more than how we humans managed to out-evolve Neanderthals known to have had larger brains than ours, is how we have subsequently , and collectively – managed to evolve this far without the genocidal response of this seemingly genetic need to control. When faced with the question of whether or not I feel assured in my fellow human being’s ability to evolve in a “civilized” and broadly acceptable manner to which decent people should naturally have a tendency to accept and abide by, it gives me pause to think. My response would be yes, I feel confident of our species’ abilities; the uncertainty that I harbor falls much closer within the areas of human willingness and desire to forge ahead – with any true or virtuous motivation.

You’re probably sitting there, wondering, what the fuck is the point of this post?

I know – so am I…

I suppose the bottom line of this rant about my fellow human being – both the mutated and non-mutated forms of it – turns out to liquid-damaged and impossible to define; surprise, surprise. All I know is that I am chewing it up and pondering heavily: the notion of another Missing Link scenario repeating itself the not-so-distant future, another point in ultimate history that can potentially later be described as the phenomenon of an apparently super-accelerated genetic branching within the human species. Think of this the next time that you are the unfortunate victim of the inconsiderate douchebag who blocks you into your parking spot at the post office simply as a means of saving his own time and energy; or the time some idiot tried to jack you for your rightful seat at a show, because everyone knows that you should totally be okay with paying for a drunken stranger to enjoy Kevin Neelan, Dennis Miller and Dana Carvey in your place.  Maybe a few of you might pick up what I’m putting down here; try and look around you and identify the differences that are becoming increasingly extreme between an old-world, empathic and considerate human being – and the more recently evolved and “refined” human being mutation – those who are unable to venture beyond the compounds of self-gratifying, self-serving and self-perseverance to a an obnoxious fault. The differences will only get more divisive over time, I would imagine; which leaves me with an anxiety hard to convey in words.

…just sayin…