A perfect example of what I mean when I say that “Father Time’s not on my side” is today’s fucked up tangle with The Opportunist.
The Opportunist was obviously feeling lonely in the rain at home and decided that he’d try me. The reason why he felt like it was okay to contact me (despite my crystal clear instructions in the past on this issue; as in, I told him to flat out lose my number the last time he tried to text me, six + months ago) is simple: Time.
The Opportunist apparently feels that enough time has passed now for me to have forgotten who he turned out to be – how shit ended between us – and the fact that he trampled my super-high-risk heart knowingly. The Opportunist was someone SO VERY CLOSE TO ME, that he knew all of the intricacies that have molded ME – everything. And still, in order to climb his way higher up, he stepped on my head and kicked me off the ladder in the end. He really fucked with my head there for a while, really hurt me on a human level. And…I can’t even get myself started when it comes to the abandonment attached to this man (thing)…the vulnerabilities I endured to get close to him, to let him in…he fucked me up, yes.
But the thing is, that Father Time hates me…and doesn’t give me the comforts that he affords most people in terms of his nature, no; he doesn’t heal me; never has and never will. Father Time and I don’t get along so well, little does The Opportunist realize. I forget nothing. He sent me a slew of text messages all throughout the afternoon today, obviously in the grips of some manic episode of his own; but that’s not my problem either. I finally replied… once, and his texts abruptly ceased to come through.
The last one he sent was,
“Hopefully, you’ll let me put a smile back into your life without any extra stress…”
Let me write of the way that my very genetics seem to yearn,
Blood pumping so quickly, so fiercely; my skin begins to burn.
Tingles of sweat drops on hot spots – oceans, the tides turn;
Now it’s my turn on top, and I won’t stop until you learn.
Let me illustrate a circumstance, in which your eyes are locked to mine,
Let me orchestrate the Rain Dance that stops the pace of time.
Swirled inside of ecstasy, next to me – everything is fine;
Everything else is frozen besides the warmth on my insides.
Let me warn you of the influence that my surrender tends to hold,
My face is shy, my body is small; but this spirit is fierce and bold.
For it’s been said that if I get in your head, your legs will surely fold;
And for a tongue that’s made of silver, so goes a heart of solid gold.
Let me remind of a time that was just yours and mine,
The snow fell lightly through beams of warm sunshine.
I lay wrapped tightly around your chisels like a serpentine;
While your lips insistently sipped on that nasty Moonshine.
Let me try to forget of the sounds of my heart’s tattering ,
Never you – never me, never was or will be.
Just sit in the warmth of a thought, sitting so far from me;
Come closer now, I don’t care how…I need this fire put out in me.