HATFM.

As I drove home late last night from the mountains, I saw you shining up there, almost full again…my heart became sore; and, I was in tears before long.

There’s nothing as awe-inspiring to the others on the road as the notice of a blubbering fellow driver, by the way. People become acutely interested in you suddenly when they fear that you are unable to see the freeway lanes through your tears.

I thought of Lionheart then, naturally…and his good fortune in love; I remember how you almost seemed to be “hooking him and me up” in the beginning of our friendships together, from so far away. Needless to say, that wasn’t the destiny laid out for us; but we have nurtured something special in terms of true friendship, instead.

I then recalled several conversations you and I had in the very short time that I was blessed by your presence in Life, as I have become blessed by its permanence in Death these days. I remember how much I admired your spirit and heart; you just seemed to ooze the very essence of all that is good and honorable in the world, and all that is true. I remember how you comforted me during a very, very low point in my Life’s painful pendulum – on a day when I was feeling especially alone and abandoned and hopeless. It was a holiday, a big one that you were celebrating with your lovely wife and family somewhere far from your place “high in the woods”. You made time to comfort me that day despite a bad weather day of traveling…you didn’t make a big out of it though; I hadn’t even known you were on the road because you had been so “present”. You always amazed me and left me with my mouth hanging open through your untouchable humanity, Il Lupo.

You were an amazing human being; I haven’t forgotten that, either; haven’t forgotten you for a single day. I think of Felicia often too, and wish I were in a position to drop in on her and just hug her once in a while. I do wonder how she gets on these days, without you. It hurts to know how robbed of so many things she was when you were killed. It hurts to know that she has suffered such a tragic loss in so many ways and must go on. I guess I hurt for her, mostly. I try not to think about your actual death and what it must have been like for you and your dog when you were hit and killed. I hope your suffering was short-lived.

Just know you live on in the hearts of so many of us, and always will, especially on a full moon.

 

Howling At The Fucking Moon, Marcus.

 

Dear Marcus.

beastDear Marcus,

I miss you, my friend. More than words can describe, I miss you…

I think about you everyday, at some point, or another, usually when I’m swimming or smoking – which is quite often. I think of Felicia even more than I think about you, somehow…I hurt for her. I wish I could have been there for her when you died so suddenly and tragically – seven days before Christmas. I wish I could have changed the way things went down with you, in any way. I wish you were still here. I don’t think things will ever be the same without you, no matter how much time passes.

Marcus, I remember what you said to me a few days before you died:

“You’re gonna be just fine, Spitfire…I can feel it in my bones…”

It haunts me day and night, Marcus, your words…I miss you terribly.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TEELA, Wherever you are, I LOVE and CELEBRATE YOU.

Throwback Thursday. What good memories...

Throwback Thursday.
What good memories…

Today is Tee’s (Teela Hart) birthday, and all that I know for sure is that she is able to celebrate it – ALIVE and IN FREEDOM somewhere safe and away from her Monster.

Fuck, that makes my heart feel so warm and repairable…I know you aren’t back to blogging yet Tee, but I just had to send out a birthday wish into the Universe for you – because you are my sister, always. And I am so very fucking happy that you’ve ensured yourself this birthday. TEARS of JOY.