I’m noticing the way that doors suddenly open when one gets closed on something you’ve let go from your Life.
People always said this to me when I had recently slammed a door shut in one context or another, but it never seemed to apply to my personal “hallways”before. This time, it’s actually proven true to my own experience.
I’ve been wearing ‘Man Blinders’ for over a year, as (I thought) I was in a relationship with a (previously unrecognized) lowly worm; and haven’t been open to meeting new men at all. I had stupidly uncultivated the interest in meeting anyone else because I was too busy believing a constant stream of pure, undiluted bullshit for way too long.
However, almost immediately after discovering the true nature of said weasel/worm, anything I ever allowed myself to feel for him literally evaporated from my heart and mind; making it exceptionally easy to close the door that seals him and his nonsense out of my Life permanently.
And, the other doors began to swing open almost at once. I’m not bragging by any means; and it’s not like I have shit-tons of men hammering at my door or anything. But there have been a few who, upon learning the fact that I’ve been set free from what more than one of them recognized as having always been a hoax, resurfaced to offer their varying types of comfort to me.(Not like I need any of it.)
One man in particular, who I’ve only recently met while walking my dog about 3 months ago, has been surprisingly into me since finding out my renewed status of “single”.
Before he finally spoke to me for the first time, I had walked passed his house every day for about 3 months and he only smiled and waved at me on the sidewalk from his garage, never saying a word to me at all. He assumed I was married and I naturally did the same about him.
One day, Oso and I were walking by and he came charging out of the garage down the driveway waving a bag of dog treats and asking my dog’s name. Now that in itself caught my attention because most if not all people are too intimidated by my big boy to walk up with a hand out without knowing him. He later told me that he figured the only way to “get in” with me was through my ever faithful protector, my dog. But even after he told me this, he never said a word about anything romantic between he and I until this week.
This guy rides a badass Harley Davidson Dina, likes my dog (but more importantly, Oso likes him), is a pothead, he’s highly self aware, good looking, not planning to stay in the area for much longer, no ex wives or children, and, he plays guitar very well.
(Something about a guy who plays guitar that gets me everytime).
I’m not quite dating him, we mostly ride around in the mountains on his bike, just hang out, get stoned, and we talk about everything and anything for hours. He even almost had to give me the Hymlick Maneuver once, when I swallowed a wedge of a tangerine whole and literally couldn’t breathe. That was only the second time we ever hung out, it was so embarrassing! Plus, he’s only known me since I began the undertaking of massive dental procedures; and he doesn’t bat an eye when I drop in with a swollen, numbed face and I’m drooling on myself without knowing. He just laughs approvingly and says,
“No worries, I kinda like it when you look like maybe you just had a stroke…”
It’s a good thing right now, to have someone to pass time with in the evenings. After being in a long-distance shit show, it’s very refreshing to get picked up in my own driveway by a man on a loud motorcycle who just happens to live nearby. It’s nice for a change to be able to send or recieve a text or a call and be able to follow up by actually hanging out with that person in real time, like, any time. He is very open and intense and full of a certain charisma. Also, it was his house I drove to and shook and screamed when I learned of my former boyfriend being a conniving thief. So he’s hip to my currently jaded state of mind in regard to trusting and closeness etc. He knows what I literally just walked out of and he doesn’t push anything. I’ve been feeling pretty happy the past week believe, it or not.
He says I can get a new backup harddrive and start over; I guess his outlook applies to more than the harddrive…I think he’s pretty amazing.