…are so incredibly fucked up, it’s just heart-stopping…every day shines a light onto a previously well-hidden evil.
This scrap that you’re reading here
Happens to be my first for the year
Within its lines I hope to convey
Sentiment lost from day to day
In warm recognition of a few humans beings
that helped me survive the year twenty-fifteen
A few handfuls of due notability
Posted here for the whole world to read
Those of you who may not be aware
How it helps to know of another out there
When the lights have gone out in this head of mine
I’ve been lit back up again by a “stranger” online
And, for the year that I’m happy to see fade away
A few things remain of importance to say
So this one’s from the cuff for my cyber-family
to celebrate such a vast array of what’s humanity
a nation assembled from far and wide
that draws strength as a collective tribe
sometimes when the darkness comes
such a trivial thing as a notification
can seemingly bring my attention around
to the Fact of Life that is as old as sound
even when experience tends to isolate me
and keep me alienated and in long solitary
its striking that I would eventually find
everything opposite of what I kept in mind
and have seen unfathomable depths to things
experienced through these human beings
I once believed in my fellow human being – the same kind of human being as the kind that I am: a creature that is fully capable and often willing to lay importance at the feet of anything outside of itself, genuine in the spirits of kindness and empathy. I used to have faith of embarrassing depths in the notion that most, if not all, other people I knew were hardwired to perceive something as seemingly innate as the consideration of needs belonging to those besides ourselves. I have learned in the hardest of ways, however, that the vast majority of so-called humans, are in stark contrast to the type of human being that I remain. When I use the word “remain” to describe the way I feel about the obvious differences between me and 9 out of 10 people that I know, it’s meant to…
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“Tell you what?” my irritation must be palpable to him then;
He physically withdrawals before saying, “Tell me….uh, tell me how you feel, all that stuff about m-“
I cut him off before he can finish the final word of the sentence; highly distracted by my own thoughts on a subject having nothing to do with his sorry ass, I say without even looking in his direction, “What the fuck makes you think it’s about you?…Damn get over yourself, already.”
Of course, it was about him; and he knows this – because he knows what we’ve gone through and there’s no mistaking the details I written.
He makes an all-too-familiar face that looks like he just swallowed an entire peeled lemon with holes in it; and starts to shake his fat head at me in his typical, condescending way: his way of telling me that he’s smarter than me, and that I don’t know what I’m talking about.
“Whatever, that was then – when I wrote that…”
He breaks in with a matter-of-fact voice and says, “’Then’ was only like a month and a half ago, you know?”
“Oh look who can suddenly count days!” I cannot help myself; I’m fucking childish that way.
He waits…patiently, in one of his stuck-up, patriarchal poses that I’m sure he practices in the mirror during moments alone. I am uncomfortable; I do not want him here, nor do I want to discuss these meaningless things with him – I do not want to even know him anymore, wish I never had.
“Who fucking cares?” I stand from the step on the front porch, where I had hesitantly taken my seat moments before, my face is feeling hot and my blood pressure rises like a tidal wave in my veins; I say,
“There’s not a God damned thing in that blog that I didn’t tell you…I told you that shit more than once, as a matter of fact. YOU decided that those things were invalid to YOU, in case you conveniently don’t recall that part of things…”
He shoots a hand up from where he sits to grab my arm as I spin by him towards my front door; his face is pleading, as if he he’s lost or out of gasoline.
“DON’T touch me.” I am not afraid of this fat head; in fact, I am quite certain that despite his extraordinary mass in size and height, I could take him easily – because he is a total fucking pussy. But his touch makes me recoil and think of dark things and bad places – metaphoric of my disgust with myself for ever believing his eloquently constructed, pseudo-village of lies.
His muffled voice expels what I make out as various obscenities through the solid door as he shuffles down the porch and away from me; thank you Gods…thank you. What a varmint…must be nice on the planet he lives on.
You don’t actually know everything, like you’ve always told your kid…
Sometimes, people will shock you with their ability to be shallow and cruel, inconsiderate and sociopathic – other times, you will be totally surprised by the Human ability to grow and learn, to open up and take that leap of faith into the darkness…
You are not a certified judge on a bench getting a paycheck to be a judge – check yourself with your self-projections and insecurities, it’s not respectable or becoming of you…
You can’t drive and think at the same time – that’s how you wind up out of gas in the middle of nowhere…
Being incorrect in regard to a mistake you thought you had made, but hadn’t: still counts as being wrong – grow up.