Decryption.

So my Bit Locker backup harddrive went missing between 1 and 3 months ago; an event that has caused many wasted hours in vain, searching for something that I couldn’t understand was actually physically gone from my possession. This drive has EVERYTHING of any importance to me and, has the datum equivalent of my existence on it. This drive has been my perpetual data dump since I left the tax firm in 2013. After so many days of panic and stress over the unknown location of this piece of equipment went by without even the slightest insight of where in the Hell it could have gone, I was exhausted by the search and had given up hope for the time being, figuring that like so many things in my life go, it would eventually turn up most unexpectedly.

Yesterday, after days and days of viscous cycling of the tensions between myself and the absolute WORM who I’ve been stupidly calling my “fiancé” and/or boyfriend for quite some time (over a fucking joke of a year and a half), I broke it off for good by wishing him well in future days and explaining that he’s been perpetually out of line as well as out of touch with reality in regard to his constant accusations and explosive and toxic mood swings etc.

His response was to say,

“For the record, Bit Locker encryption is simple to crack.”

My end of the line went deeply silent and then a dial tone on his end.

My mind was reeling from his subtle admission. I know he’s not lying about having my Bit Locker because I never mentioned it’s disappearance to him in the time since he left my residence after staying with me for Thanksgiving. Everything fell mentally into place though, and I am now swallowing the unexpected reality of the person I’ve retarded placed my EVERYTHING in has, in actuality, been using and playing me for a very long time.

When I eventually said something along the lines of:

“So you’re not only a liar but you’re also a thief?”

Because this fucking weasel has always talked long shit about how he’ll “have nothing to do with cheaters, liars and/or thieves”, the slight wasn’t felt slightly but quite substantially by me. So now it all makes sense, how he went home after Thanksgiving with a stolen piece of my property and weaseled his way into my privacy like a WORM.
I don’t know what all is on that harddrive, there’s so much stuff on there from many people’s computers over the years; including my Mom and my Daughter’s. This time very personal time capsule of information and historical data also includes all of my photos of ex boyfriends (meaningful or otherwise), childhood, family (dead, missing or alive), as well as any other document attached to my existence over the past decade or more. It was a thing that never saw the light of day and was permanently at my residence.
My piece of shit former fiancé rifled through my shit and stole it from my house while visiting me for Thanksgiving! The implication behind his performing such an action while we were supposedly on the happiest of terms has staggered my ability to be sensible. I am feeling so incredibly violated by someone (some… thing) who I’ve worked hard to let into my hyper-vigilant and sheltered stronghold.

These things jade me beyond words.

My heart has hardened once again over night, and the world is a much blacker and ugly fucking place today, like it always used to be…like it’s apparently going to be forever.

I am very full of regret and self-loathing at present; I hate myself for making such a stupid and lasting mistake in the character of someone who got closest to me of all. I hate myself for being myself. I’m likely not going to write for a while here. This website is like a haunting ghost in its own right.

Newly twisted and caught up.

Not giving a fuck.

…just another in a long line of men who misrepresented themselves and turned out to be a sham.

Promises, Shmomises.

I have little doubt that the “anonymous email TApeworm” is reading this, or eventually will read this – may, in fact, be looking out for this specific post – as an affected result of the pitiful emphasis placed onto his/her own life (or total lack, thereof) through posting immature and pathetic trash-talk onto the blog of a friend who recently visited me in real-time;
I wasted even less of any time in narrowing down such a total online-junkie endeavor and its source – trust me – it’s far from difficult to trace a server log when you know the gateways that you are looking to cross reference…duh. In short: the time, personal interest and emotional investment that the Tapeworm put forth for such a grade-school attempt at smearing me, very personally and hate(r)fully – was NOT anonymous as the author had expected it would remain upon posting it publicly; and to be honest, the culprit’s identity does not surprise me one bit, given recent happenings and what not.
What was surprising to me was the absolute lack of any respectability or heart attached to such unnecessary dramatics, and the cowardly way in which such drama was presented for anyone to read – CLASSIC. Fucking classic like it’s all day long…anyway, this is a post to invite the Tapeworm to speak up as much to my face as possible, as opposed to slithering around behind my back and trying to be venomous towards me because I’m smiling and you aren’t. Making up lies and telling them because you are miserable and unhappy and you get the inkling that I might not be, also. HATER.
Please do feel free to say the same lies and gibberish that you vomited on the “sucker” whose relationship with me you look to sabotage – where did you even pull such lunch-line garbage from, anyway…? Let’s try it again only with some respectability and sound information this time, and from YOU to ME, since you seem to have so much info on my life and personal activities, stand up then. The projection involved is SO apparent with all that noise that I wonder if you were somehow going for the Obvious and Desperate look. Either way, nothing else to see here dude…move it along.
Fortunately for everyone involved or included in such Romper Room bullshit – I have zero tolerance or interest in HATERS and the associated behaviors and/or actions put forth on a hater’s behalf – so this saga will be short-lived no matter what.
Let me be clear and concise once again, as a reminder:
I do not blog to make friends…
I do not blog to gain approval…
I do not need nor desire fake friends online…
I will not be bullied or badgered by some unstable hater…
we all make our choices in life…
we all have to live with them, afterward…
grow up and get a new hobby.