Insecurities.

Today’s mega-extra-jumbo scoop of unnecessary bullshit in my corner of the currently wretched Universe might have been a doozy…had I not had my catcher’s mitt up on the air, with my eye on the ball. It has nothing to do with my specific characteristic traits or preferences, that once a person burns me, although I may very well come to genuinely understand and excuse that person’s indiscretion in burning me, such things never stray far from mind in future close-quarter (metaphoric for emotional closeness in this instance) dealings with that person. It is just a natural response in a procession of inter-actions between two creatures to (even subconsciously) be on your guard after suffering an inflicted wound once before – even if you want with all of your heart to wipe the slate clean, it’s in there somewhere: the experience of being burned, the one who burned you, included.

So recently, during the present state of absolute tragedy that I am under-going on an emotional level, a friend who pulled the ol’ Light Switch Maneuver on me a few months ago contacted me and apologized. I accepted the apology without hesitation, as I have truly missed this person’s presence since he blinked out from my life. And I harbored no grudge against him as I understand his abandonment issues all too well; I can relate to his insecurities with others and becoming close or emotionally attached, trust me. For these reasons, I had hoped he would re-surface eventually and we could be friends again. His timing was well-intended, I’m sure…however – –  – I am currently experiencing a spell of total apathy and disinterest in anything and everything I see or think or feel. I am numb in order to survive emotionally at this very point in time; and that is the reality of reality for me right now.

So, after various times of reaching out and prompting conversation with me (whereas before, I would typically carry on to no end with this person and have plenty to say about anything he talked about), and my not being very responsive because I have very little to say about ANYTHING at the moment, causes this person to deconstruct my character once again in his own mind, for whatever reasons….uhhhhhhhh……okay.

So in turn for my being in emotional shock, and being currently unresponsive to this person’s recent attempts at conversation, I became the effect to the cause behind this person’s own insecurities;

it went from:

YESTERDAY EVENING:

“I’m here for you anytime…”

TO…THIS EVENING:

“Take care…I’ll do you the favor of deleting contact info…”

I’m not arguing with it this time, not a word…I’m too fucking UNSURPRISED by it to even thank this person for doing me the favor of inflicting the second burn so soon. WTF Ever. Nothing I can do about things I’ve not done.

Turning-a-Systemic-City-into-Fire-Scenery-L

Promises, Shmomises.

I have little doubt that the “anonymous email TApeworm” is reading this, or eventually will read this – may, in fact, be looking out for this specific post – as an affected result of the pitiful emphasis placed onto his/her own life (or total lack, thereof) through posting immature and pathetic trash-talk onto the blog of a friend who recently visited me in real-time;
I wasted even less of any time in narrowing down such a total online-junkie endeavor and its source – trust me – it’s far from difficult to trace a server log when you know the gateways that you are looking to cross reference…duh. In short: the time, personal interest and emotional investment that the Tapeworm put forth for such a grade-school attempt at smearing me, very personally and hate(r)fully – was NOT anonymous as the author had expected it would remain upon posting it publicly; and to be honest, the culprit’s identity does not surprise me one bit, given recent happenings and what not.
What was surprising to me was the absolute lack of any respectability or heart attached to such unnecessary dramatics, and the cowardly way in which such drama was presented for anyone to read – CLASSIC. Fucking classic like it’s all day long…anyway, this is a post to invite the Tapeworm to speak up as much to my face as possible, as opposed to slithering around behind my back and trying to be venomous towards me because I’m smiling and you aren’t. Making up lies and telling them because you are miserable and unhappy and you get the inkling that I might not be, also. HATER.
Please do feel free to say the same lies and gibberish that you vomited on the “sucker” whose relationship with me you look to sabotage – where did you even pull such lunch-line garbage from, anyway…? Let’s try it again only with some respectability and sound information this time, and from YOU to ME, since you seem to have so much info on my life and personal activities, stand up then. The projection involved is SO apparent with all that noise that I wonder if you were somehow going for the Obvious and Desperate look. Either way, nothing else to see here dude…move it along.
Fortunately for everyone involved or included in such Romper Room bullshit – I have zero tolerance or interest in HATERS and the associated behaviors and/or actions put forth on a hater’s behalf – so this saga will be short-lived no matter what.
Let me be clear and concise once again, as a reminder:
I do not blog to make friends…
I do not blog to gain approval…
I do not need nor desire fake friends online…
I will not be bullied or badgered by some unstable hater…
we all make our choices in life…
we all have to live with them, afterward…
grow up and get a new hobby.

Ohhhhhm.

If the rising “end-of-‘Ochama’-term” political tension is this obvious and real (nearly tangible) to me: a half-bred Native stoner who will NEVER gang bang either the Donkey Drone or Elitist Elephant; I can only imagine the prescriptions that all of the associated psychiatrists have been, and will continue to be writing throughout the Republican Ramp Up Rally that’s come out of a fitful hibernation.

USA_by_Ariverrr