There is something wholly satisfying in a moment of childhood nostalgia shared between siblings through the recollected eyes of adulthood; There is an ancient mentally embedded sensation woven into such an instance akin to the finishing of a most gluttonous seven-course feast of the most filling foods and drink; It is the momentary revival of our most purely experienced joys in Life, our most simply created smiles attached to memories that science has hinted will be vividly with us until we expire in old age; It is the reminder of band-aids and muddy knee scrubs, bedtime stories and a belief in the impossible; There are truths revealed through the adult moments spent together in casual and comfortable silences in which words are not necessary to just BE; These truths bear features of each sibling, dead or alive, as they did in early life when hardships weren’t yet upon the heart; These truths are the tie that binds.
And I’m talkin’ to myself at night – because I can’t forget;
Back and forth through my mind behind a cigarette…
And the message comin’ from my eyes says,
LEAVE IT ALONE!”
I have a tickling notion that my old, beloved sister in survival, newly enjoying her own FREEDOM for the first time in over TWO DECADES, the ONE AND ONLY Teela Hart – – – has returned to the blogosphere, to some degree…
Today is Tee’s (Teela Hart) birthday, and all that I know for sure is that she is able to celebrate it – ALIVE and IN FREEDOM somewhere safe and away from her Monster.
Fuck, that makes my heart feel so warm and repairable…I know you aren’t back to blogging yet Tee, but I just had to send out a birthday wish into the Universe for you – because you are my sister, always. And I am so very fucking happy that you’ve ensured yourself this birthday. TEARS of JOY.
When the Bear Trainer rips open an article in describing the nickname she’s been given by “someone whom [she] loves and trusts”, please understand firstly and fore mostly – that these words do not come easily for her; she likes to keep a well-drawn line in between herself and others…she feels safest that way. The Bear Trainer sees herself as “Grotesque”…a mangled and patched together version of what might have been, had she not been physically tortured, and in turn – changed on a genetic level by a man (thing) whose cruelty and sadism matched The Ripper’s in nature and severity. I see something so much more than what might have been when I look at her, when I connect with her…when I listen to her.
Upon knowing the Bear Trainer, my beliefs have been deepened; my fears validated and soothed by a voice of reason; my hand has been taken for the first time in a long, long time…maybe even forcefully, but it was needed. It was crucial, in fact. I do not typically jive so well with females for what I’m sure must be obvious reasons; and so you can know that any women that I am close to are gonna be THE BEE’S KNEES – no stupid beezies ride in my car, truth. So when strange and unfamiliar women send me questions about my passed experience with my ex-husband or, even the current shit with Boo – I typically don’t pay much mind to it; because I typically don’t give a fuck what some dingbat from Upstate New York or Laguna Beach has to snort about my business, to be honest.
Yet, through the bustle and noise of technology and meaningless lines across a screen – there was a fearsome bear standing up inside of a fire to get my attention – to ensure that I listened to its trainer. I wanted to share with anyone who has recently been exposed to the Bear Trainer and her blog; she is fierce and chain-bearing, outspoken and raw – she can make someone disappear with a simple line written in truth, make them obsolete in the Universe…she is larger than life and full of colors richer than the most eye-bending hues…she is the epitome of strength and endurance and courage. She stabilizes “stable”.
But know this:
She is the Bear and the Bear Trainer, aye – but she is a beautiful, delicate and fragile creature that’s been burning white hot forever – and to touch her the wrong way might one day, affect the cooled ashes of an ember…she does not openly accept everyone and let them near her life as I do – she guards her armor well, and rightfully so.
I do not need to ask m y readers to understand this about my beloved Bear Trainer, if any of you should come to know her also…but I’m asking you to try.
Amalija is a VERY RARE FIND…to be treasured and celebrated with a roar.
Ahhhh, this is monumental…a monumental day…this postcard from Freedom holds super extra special meaning…it’s one I’ve been waiting FOREVER to be able to “send out” into the Universe with a big, fat “FUCK YOU”.
Some of my readers might remember, and even themselves, follow “Tee” here on WP; she one of the founding members of the Cut Throat Clubhouse Blog here with me also; she is someone special to me and always was – since the very first contact we had through writing – when she shone her spirit at me like a cop shines his light in your eyes, catching me off guard, and making me feel like a chump for ever having allowed anyone to call me as a “battered wife” – she is kindred.
Tee is an awesome and inspiring writer (a fellow sailor mouth who doesn’t spit horse shit), she has dropped off of here completely over the past few months as a means of simple survival…but she did it, you guys.
Until VERY VERY recently, my dear friend and sister has been in the grips of her own domestic captor – – –
FOR NINETEEN YEARS. THREE CHILDREN. COUNTLESS BROKEN BONES.
A HEART AS PURE AS SOLID GOLD.
This postcard from Freedom is that one that I had in mind when I first began the series – the one that I have been dying to create under the inspired circumstances of Tee’s actual ongoing Freedom and Safety. And tonight, I got to do that. This has made my month. I want to share Tee’s note with any of her other friends who may read this post, because it’s so fucking….ahhhh….no words…
“I feel like a new woman now that I’m away from the ex…safe and secure…”
If anyone deserves to be safe and secure, it’s most certainly my sister in survival, Teela Hart – currently enjoying FREEDOM AT LAST.