I’m not the same person I was when I got here, when I thought this was my destiny…thought that he was my destiny.
Can’t scrape the sour from my tongue, and I am DONE.
DONE with giving my all to a boy who takes pleasure in the pains he inflicts upon me.
DONE with being played like a slot machine, unwarrantedly.
DONE with trust.
DONE with faith in my fellow “human beings”.
DONE with being laughed at and mocked for having feelings and being raw from betrayal.
I am absolutely done with feeling this way, especially when it comes to this person, someone I have literally longed for as long as I can remember.
Someone who cruelly decided to tangle me up in his hate and destruction.
Only to serve his own childish need for gratification, am I here, in his life.
As he was my first teenage lover and heartbreaker, and there is so much water under this burning bridge, it wont stop hurting all day every day.
It means that my blackened, squelching heart is sore and heavy from these disillusioned truths.
This heart that I gambled with and completely lost sonewhere along the way.
My brain is overloaded with the realities of this failure and what it means for me moving forward.
It means that I have gone crazy, bat-shit crazy.It means that I will truly be alone at last in this harsh world, fittingly.
I know I will never come back from such a lasting and miserable flop.
It means that the word “trust” is permanently out of my vocabulary, and the thought of this word makes me ill.
It means that all the eggs I have put into this basket are lost, and I am left with next to nothing…again.
I am daunted by the stinging.
My heart is hollow as ever.
Wtf good is loyalty when you are the only one who ever genuinely harbors such a notion?